(THEME)
TR: A dark night in a city that knows how to keep its secrets but on the 12th floor of the Acme Building, one man is still trying to find the answers to life's persistent questions.....Guy Noir, Private Eye. (MUSIC UP AND OUT)
GK: It was the end of August and I was working security at the Minnesota State Fair. Working the Education Building and around the Minnesota Public Radio booth. Public radio listeners are highly susceptible to predators who are hustling something that sounds educational.
SS (SEDUCTIVE): Hey fella, how about voice lessons too ----- you know where your diaphragm is? Here, let me show you. Oh wow.
TR (RICO): Excuse me. I have a Ph.D in creative living and you look like someone who maybe is looking to make a life change ---- I'd be happy to help you out? whaddaya say?
FN: Hey, I'm raising money for the Elks Club----- Did you know that every year hundreds of baby elk wander away from their mothers and are never found---- so we go out into the woods and bring them back to our recovery center. I've got some pictures here----- want to see? Look at this one......(ELK)
GK: Sleazy characters, hustlers, but public radio listeners are suckers for this stuff.
SS (LOW): I'm from the Save Our Stories fund, S.O.S.---- did you know that thousands and thousands of personal memoirs sit unread in archives and library basements ---- stories of human lives that now are forgotten---- we're working to get those stories into the hands of people who would appreciate them. Can you help?
GK: She was a blonde, a suicide blonde - dyed by her own hand. She was wearing a T-shirt with Mount Rushmore on it and Roosevelt and Lincoln particularly prominent. Hey, sister, this is private property, move it.
SS: Public radio, mister. I got a right to be here, same as anyone else.
GK: Move it. You don't belong here.
SS: Me? I got so much culture, they could name a yoghurt after me. I'm one in a million and you're a dime a dozen, Noir. You beat it.
GK: What you doing?
SS: Just trying to make people feel good, Noir.
GK: By shilling for a fake charity? Where does the money go, lady?
SS: Goes to pay the executive director, naturally.
GK: You.
SS: Bingo.
GK: Save Our Stories???
SS: It's a moneymaker.
GK: Where'd you get the idea?
SS: From Trip Criplett. That guy.
GK: Trip Criplett on public radio? the host of "Being
Here"???
SS: I love that show. I'm listening to the podcast right now. Listen.
TR (WHISPERY): Creativity is the journey of listening to your passion and accepting the complexity of reality to a quiet place where you can access the inner conversation of the seven stages of spiritualityness and the mystery of discovery and redemption that we find in our active awareness of the everyday that gives us openness as a way to closure. ----
GK: I don't understand any of this. Sir----
TR: I can't talk to you, this is a podcast.
GK: I don't understand what openness to closure is.
TR: I'm not here. I'm online. This is a podcast.
SS: You're hearing. You're not listening.
GK: Okay, okay.
TR (WHISPERY): Story is about loss, it's about grief, it's about the rupture of faith, and the shattering of patterns, and reestablishing connectedness and purposefulness and mindfulness and chanelling our sense of loss into spiritual profitability and a greater awareness of the luminosity of structure and the potentiality of beauty.
GK: The luminosity of structure? Reestablishing connectedness? What is that?
TR: Go away. This is a podcast.
GK: I'm just asking. What is connected to what?
TR: Everything is connected to everything.
GK: I doubt that very much.
TR: Doubt is fundamental to faith, nothingness is totality and so is otherness.
SS:: Guy, you're listening to the words. You're not hearing the music between the words.
GK: Oh.
SS: You understand?
(BRIDGE)
GK: And then I looked over at a booth across the street where a guy was selling snow blowers.
FN (MURRAY): Okay looky here, looky here, looky here---- come in close, folks, so you can get a good look---- this is your two-stage electric modified snow blower that clears snow from driveway or sidewalk as it creates vibrations that heal your your body through positive polarities and also locate gold, silver, and precious gems up to six feet underground. How can a snow blower do all this? Through the luminosity of structure and reestablishing your connectedness to the ground and to the beauty of potentiality. It's here, and it comes with a six-month guarantee, and our special price for the State Fair---- you're not going to believe this but it's true ----- six hundred and fifty dollars. It's here. It's real. It's beautiful and it's yours. (BRIDGE)
GK: What can I say? It's a losing battle. Nobody ever went broke understimating the intelligence of the American public. Look around you.
TR (TRUMP): Look. There's something going on that we don't know about. Big league. People are saying that the State Fair is totally rigged and the butter sculptures are margarine, they're not butter, and the pigs are little skinny things and the Dodge Em cars and the fireworks are very low-energy and the miniature doughnuts are Chinese and you got no idea what's in it and illegal Mexican labor is working the rides on the Midway and they are throwing people into the air and they're never seen again ---- that's what I've heard - ---- the Ferris wheel, Human Slingshot, you name it ----- because the fair management is so stupid, Bunch of losers and when I am President, Day One, I am going to make the State Fair the way it used to be. It is going to be so great. So great. Unbelievable.
GK: So I just walked away. I walked into the horse barn and watched a horse being brushed (SFX). It was relaxing. A horse went by, heading for the show ring. (SFX) A big Percheron stood in his stall looking down at a barn cat (SFX). Both of them seemed happy. When you get tired of humans, hang out with animals. That's my strategy.
(THEME)
TR: A dark night in a city that knows how to keep its secrets but on the 12th floor of the Acme Building, one man is still trying to find the answers to life's persistent questions.....Guy Noir, Private Eye. (THEME UP AND OUT)