A woman who came from Duluth
Tried hard to avoid the uncouth,
For three months she tried
Then suddenly died
From the effort and that is the truth.
A young woman from Prior Lake
Went on a date by mistake
With a guy from Edina
Who fed her a line a
Child would know was a fake.
A young woman from Minneapolis
Wore tiny black gowns that were strapless
And maybe more
When she went to the store
And behind closed doors, well, perhaps less.
I know a man from Mankato
Who loved Mozart, the writings of Plato,
His lovely wife Laurie,
The sight of Old Glory,
And a strip steak, rare, with potato.
An old lady from Albert Lea
Was in Fairmont and needed to pee
But with great discipline
She kept it all in
Til she got home at quarter past three.
An old lady in Brooklyn Park
Liked to run around nude in the dark.
O the pleasure she got
When finally she'd squat
In the neighbor's yard and and make her mark.
A Catholic priest preaching in Eveleth
Said: "Keep a close watch on the devil. Eth-
Ereal delights
Should not reach great heights.
That which the Lord loves he leveleth."
A young woman came from St. Peter
To New York to get into theater.
And she got her start
Playing a part
In a Brooklyn WalMart as a greeter.
A young fellow from Eden Prairie
Took pills tobe rugged and hairy
And then by and by
He asked himself, "Why
Am I lying in this mortuary?"
An old gentleman from Burnsville
Jumped off of cliffs for a thrill.
He lived on flat ground,
No cliffs around.
But he said, "If I find one, I will."
There was a young man of St. Paul
Made the World's Largest Masking Tape Ball.
He has it on view
Saturdays, 9 to 2,
For other times, give him a call.
A gardener lived in Rochester
Who planted seeds in an ancestor
And tomatoes and chard
Grew in the graveyard.
It was better than letting them fester.
A young fellow from Maple Grove
Climbed up the ladder and dove.
They had emptied the pool
And so the poor fool
Is three inches shorter, by Jove.
There was a young lady of Blaine
Who decided one day to abstain:
No beer and no swearing,
No pickled herring,
Just sex, whiskey, gin, and cocaine.
An old fellow up in Two Harbors
No longer bothered with barbers
He let his hair grow
Ten feet or so
And wore it on overhead arbors.
An old Lutheran near Owatonna
Raised ten acres of mzrijuana.
It went up in a blaze
And for seventeen days
He had visions of the Blessed Madonna.
A lady lived in Cloquet
Who loved the Sonata in A.
By Johannes Brahms,
A favorite of Mom's
Who sat and laughed hearing her play.
A farmer named Fred lived near Perham
Who always raised wheat, mainly durum,
But one year old Freddie
Planted spaghetti
And the neighbors had to refer him.
An old fellow lived in St. James
Whose parents were in silver frames
And looked down from the wall
And if he swore at all,
Both their heads burst into flames.
A beautiful girl of Winona
Went out one night all alone, a
Man alongside
Said, "How 'bout a ride?"
She said, "Ha! In a Toyota Corona?"
A fellow from Thief River Falls
Was good at making loon calls
So good in fact
That he could attract
Lutherans too. True or false?
A helpless old man in Elk River
Had a sadistic caregiver
Who treated him awfully
And took him off coffee
And made him eat onions and liver.
There was an old man from Anoka
Who thought he could write a good limerick
He tried and he tried
And some were not bad
And yet something seemed to be missing.
There was a young man of Moorhead
So lazy he just stayed in bed
Except holidays
When he would raise
Up and sit on a sofa instead.
A teacher who lived in Stillwater
Was very strict with his daughter.
Then she went out with Hans in
A town in Wisconsin
Which went against all he had taught her.
A girl from Marine on St. Croix
Said, "Lutherans should go in for joy"
And she whooped and she cheered
And of course it was weird
But people just looked, and oh boy.