TR: Hello, this is Fred Farrell. As March approaches, wild animals start to awaken from hibernation and you can hear them (LOW GRUNT) in your backyard, maybe right under your bedroom window (GROWL), strange species coming into the suburbs that never used to be there, like lemurs (SFX) and demented elk (SFX), and elderly cougars (SFX), animals confused by global warming and the early thaw ----- they're sleep-deprived--- coyotes (SFX) and chinchillas (SFX) ---- loons who've gone rogue (SFX) bipolar bears (SFX). How can you defend your home against wacko wildlife? Guns are one way but a better way is a Giant California Condor call ---- the Giant Condor is a carnivore with a wingspread of ten feet and its intense shriek strikes fear into the hearts of mammal and reptile alike. It comes with a compressed air tank that immediately applies 200 pounds of air pressure so you get (CONDOR SHRIEK) Works with bill collectors, process servers, or neighborhood dogs. And all you need to do is ---- (CONDOR).
GK: Fred Farrell, the name to trust when it comes to Animal Calls.
VS (SINGS): If you feel you are in peril,
And over a barrel,
And you fear that there'll
Be a crisis up ahead
And your heart is full of dread,
Reach for Fred----
Fred Farrell. (WOOFS)