GK: . . . after a message from POEM, the Professional Organization of English Majors.
SS: So. Frank. Good to meet you.
FN: Yeah. I'm sort of nervous. Do you do a lot of this?
SS: Online dating? Not really.
FN: Yeah, me neither.
SS: So tell me about yourself --
FN: You first.
SS: Okay. I'm from Chicago. I came here for grad school. I read a lot. Also do ballroom dancing, especially love the tango, and I'm writing a memoir.
FN: Wow, ok. I am not as interesting as that.
SS: Sure you are.
FN: No, not really.
SS: Ok . . . let's see. With the phrase "I'm not as interesting as that" -- you're angling to surprise me with some startling information later on. Your apathy is a cover for your discontent which stems from your alienation from other people, which, from your point of view, is due to a trauma you suffered in childhood, namely rejection by your mother, a disorder you hope to heal by falling in love with me, but you fear that your judgmental nature ---- your contempt for people who seem inauthentic or pretentious or superficial ---- will put me off ---- that I will take it as a manifestation of cynicism. You feel excluded from society, bewildered by its moral complexity, and you believe that innocence can be regained in the act of love though you are terrified by the thought of failure. And now you're staring at me as if you recognize what I'm saying.
FN: I do. My gosh, you absolutely know me. How did you do that?
SS: You mean, read you like a book?
FN: Yeah, how'd you know all that?
SS: I'm an English major and I've read that book already.
FN: Oh.
SS: And I don't need to read it again.
FN: Sorry.
SS: Goodbye.
GK: No need to waste time on a relationship when you already know it from fiction. A message from POEM. The Professional Organization of English Majors.