GK: .....after this word from the American Duct Tape council. (QUACKS)

SS: Hi, this is Marjorie from Human Resources. Monday I'll go back to work and there by the coffeemaker will be a huge spread of leftover Christmas cookies and pastries and me already feeling like Balloon Girl and here are 100,000 calories waiting like explosive devices and me with the willpower of a tapeworm. So what I do is wrap duct tape around my right wrist and I tell myself that it's a neutron device that is activated by sugar and butter and if it goes off, I will evaporate and my empty clothes will drop to the floor. And it works. The hand stays by my side. The cookies are eaten by other people. People with no self-control whose chins bounce when they talk. Thanks, duct tape.

GK: Duct tape......it's almost the only thing that really works sometimes.