GK: It turned cold this week (WIND) and the car doors froze (DOOR OPEN) and the car did not want to start (STARTER SLOW, THEN CATCHES, BUT RELUCTANTLY) and the heater never warmed up (SHIVERING) and you think about your brother-in-law who is in Key West this month. (TROPICAL BIRDS) He rented a house near the beach and he's playing tennis (TENNIS VOLLEY) while you are suffering (SHIVERING). There are bears on the entrance ramp (BEAR) so you take the side streets and there are Canadians riding snowmobiles (SFX) and swinging their hockey sticks. (FN: Eh? You want to know what it's all aboot, I'll tell you what it's all aboot. ) Canadians with their walruses (SFX) and seals (SFX). And sea lions (SFX). And some sea lions learn how to impersonate seals (SFX) or walruses (SFX). Messy creatures who do their business outdoors (WALRUS). Piles of black walrus scat around. And they vote in elections, so the legislature starts to look very different (SFX). Not our kind, but they're moving in, aliens from the north. Should've built that wall on the border but now it's too late, they're here, Canadians, and you can't tell them from Americans unless you can get them to say "about" (FN: Aboot.) And trout. (FN: Troot.) And eelpout. (FN: Eelpoot.) And house. (FN: Hoose.) What can we do? The answer is: constant vigilance. drink more coffee.

(FN: COFFEE) The enemy is sleep. Drowsiness. (SFX) You need coffee. (COFFEE THEME)


In St. Paul or Anoka,

Whether regular or mocha

It's coffee.

You can argue and debate it

Just be sure it's caffeinated

Black coffee.

Coffee helps you do your duty

In pursuit of truth and beauty

Serve it after the dessert

To keep the company alert

Gives you that certain radiance

To drive away Canadians

So as they go away

They'll turn and say that's awfully strong coffee.