GK: .....our show brought to you by the Ketchup Advisory Board.


TR: Once there was a town that was a lot like other towns. It was a place where guys stood around and talked about cars and you could yell at your kids that you were on the verge of a nervous breakdown and nobody called up child protection services. Where you went to church and checked out of the sermon after a couple minutes and tried to remember the words of ---- And when I touch you I feel happy inside, it's such a feeling that my love I can't hide. A town where people cried at movies. And then......things began to change. Men could no longer fix a flat tire or replace an air filter but they knew what was wrong with Congress. Parents were required to give trigger warnings to their children before yelling at them. Ministers came down out of the pulpit and preached directly to people and you couldn't daydream anymore. The old ways were replaced by new ways. And pretty soon things started to go wrong. Strangers came to the door wanting to show you their photography. People had panic attacks in the grocery store and had to be talked down by cashiers. Kids got lost in the woods and dogs refused to go look for them. And that was when people looked at each other and said, "You know, maybe we're not getting enough ketchup." And they got out the ketchup and before you knew it, it was back the way it used to be. Folks started saying "doggone it" again. The phone rang and it was a right number. Men rediscovered the basement workshop....

TR: ...Kids grabbed the vacuum away from their mom and said, "Let me do that." All thanks to ketchup. Making the world better, step by step.

GK: The Ketchup Advisory Board, a member of the Organization of Feder