GK: You've often heard this announcement when you call up a service desk at a large business.

FN: This call may be monitored and recorded for quality assurance purposes ...

GK: Why? Monitored by whom? What will happen to the recording? The assurance of what quality? What can you do to protect your privacy? Here's a tip from Earl's Academy of Accents: simply change your voice each time you hear that message so that whoever is studying these recordings won't realize it's you. Try a deep growly voice.

TR: I'd like to return a pair of pajamas.

GK: A high squeaky voice.

TR: I'd like two tickets to the 3 o'clock matinee.

GK: A Swedish accent.

TR: I wish to complain about your work on my lower molars.

GK: A French accent.

TR: Monsieur, I wish to reserve a table for two at seven p.m.

GK: A western accent.

TR (WAYNE): I need to make an appointment with Dr. O'Hara.

GK: Accents are much easier to learn than languages and they bestow the same benefits of status. This accent, for example, marks you as a dummy.

TR (MINN): Yeah, you know I grew up in Wisconsin and I knew as long as I talked like this I was always gonna be a dishwasher.

TR (RUSSIAN): So I learned to talk like this and now I am a poet and expressing the dark music of my soul. I still wash dishes but now I can feel the tragedy of it, the injustice.

GK: Earl's Academy of Accents.

HM (SINGS): We can improve whatever you say

At E---A---A.

FN: ....and

GK: Does it get your goat, the idea that they are recording you? Do you imagine what might come of it?

TR (GERMAN): Mrs. Swanson, you called for the overthrow of the government. Is that right?

SS: I called about an overcoat you sent me. It was covered with lint. Nothing about the government.

TR (GERMAN): We have the recording. We heard what you said.

SS: It was about an overcoat.

TR (GERMAN): Take her away. Jahwohl. (MARCH FEET OFF)

GK: Recordings are being made of you and there is nothing you can do about it. Or is there? The next time you hear that message....

FN: This call may be monitored and recorded for quality assurance purposes ...

GK: Disguise your voice so it won't be recognized.

TR (SQUEAKY): I'd like to order the Szechuan chicken with brown rice and an egg roll.

GK: And the next time you hear it....

FN: This call may be monitored and recorded for quality assurance purposes ...

GK: Disguise your voice in an entirely different way.

TR (SOUTHERN): I just called to see if my dry cleaning might be ready to pick up about now.

GK: Every time you talk on the phone to someone you don't know, disguise your voice.

TR (CAPOTE): Hello, I saw your ad for an asphalt tamper for sale. Is that also a rammer-jammer? I need to do some asphalt tamping but I also need the ramming part.

GK: And for extra safety, get the Voice Changer from Fritz Electronics. Even your best friends won't know it's you.

TR (W FN PARALLEL, LO & HI): Hi Sue, is Ron there?

SS: Who is this?

TR (W FN): It's me, Sue. I want to talk to Ron.

SS: Is this a joke?

TR (W FN): I have to be careful, Sue. They record everything now, you know. Anyway, may I talk to Ron?

SS: I don't know who this is. I'm hanging up.

TR (W FN): So you're on their side, Sue. Is that it? I thought so. There always was something about you.....

GK: Don't be monitored and recorded unless you want to be. It's the (TR DARTH: Voice changer) from Fritz.