GK: ....brought to you by Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.....nothing gets the taste of shame and humiliation out of your mouth like Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
So you're in Bemidji, you're here to see the headwaters of the Mississippi River, which is on your bucket list, along with meeting Willie Nelson and then you're crossing the Bemidji State campus and there comes Willie on a dogsled (DOGS WOOFING, IN PASSING: TR SINGS: I'm on the go again, I just hope it's gonna snow again, in Bemidji) and you see the little creek that is the Mississippi (GURGLING) and you check those off the bucket list, still have a couple days before you head down the Mississippi to Memphis to look for Elvis and so you visit the Bemidji Woolen Mill (LOOMS) where they're making sweaters and hunting caps and you tune in KOJB, the Ojibwe station and you listen to the Pow Wow Show (DRUMS, CHANTING) and you pass the statue of Paul Bunyan and his Blue Ox Babe down by the lake-----
TR (PAUL): Howdy. Where you from?
SS: From Minneapolis.
TR (PAUL): Real good. What brings you up here?
SS: Wanted to see you and Babe. You're on my bucket list.
TR (PAUL): Good to meetcha. You wouldn't be able to scratch my back, wouldja? It itches real bad.
SS: It's too high.
TR (PAUL): Maybe you could use a branch off a tree.
GK: And you walk down Beltrami Avenue (TRAFFIC) and it's getting dark and there's the Bemidji Community Theater, now performing "Hello Dolly" (TR CAROL C SINGS: Well, Hello Dolly, yes, Hello Dolly, it's so good to have you back where you belong) and there's the Elks clubhouse (ELK SFX) and the Headwaters Science Center with a Great Horned Owl (SFX) and you walk on to the First Lutheran Church where there is a Lutefisk Supper and you've never had lutefisk before so you go in.
FN (MINN LADY): Here's your ticket, No. 390 and right now we're serving No. 215, so you're welcome to wait in the sanctuary.
GK: And you wait in there for awhile. A man is playing hymns on a tuba (SFX) and you listen to that for awhile and then a man in a gold jacket walks in and sings with him.....
TR (ELVIS, SINGS W TUBA):
One for the money, two for the show, eat a little lutefisk and go, cat, go----
SS: Elvis?
TR (ELVIS): Hi darling. You came to the right place. Best lutefisk in Minnesota, right here.
SS: I didn't know you're Lutheran, Elvis.
TR (ELVIS): I am now, darling.
SS: So you aren't alive then, huh?
TR (ELVIS): Just because I'm Lutheran doesn't mean I'm not alive.
SS: I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that----
TR (ELVIS): But you're right, darling. I'm in heaven now. Also known as Bemidji.
SS: What's it like?
TR (ELVIS): Stick around, darling, and find out.
FN: Number 390---- this way----
GK: And you head into the dining hall and the heavenly smell of lutefisk wafts up and you sit down at a table next to some familiar faces----
TR (FIELDS): Sit down, my little chickadee, and let me ply you with some tasty morsels.
TR (REAGAN): Well here you are, young lady. Just in time for some wonderful lefse.
TR (MR ROGERS): Welcome to the lutefisk neighborhood. Yes, indeed. We like it just the way it is. Yes, we do.
TR (NIXON): I am not a crook but if I were, I would swipe the recipe.
TR (WAYNE): This is the sort of lutefisk that a man would die for. Either that or it would kill him.
TR (STEWART): Well, doggone it, here we are talking and not offering you some ---- here----- have a big bite.
GK: And you take a forkful of lutefisk (BOINGGGGGG) and it sort of bounces off the roof of your mouth (SFX) and it falls (SFX) and lands in your stomach (SFX) and it's an interesting sensation. You can feel it down there as you walk out the door (SFX) and up the street (SFX) and into the liquor store (SFX) and you ask the clerk what will take away the taste of lutefisk.
TR (BOGART): Rhubarb, sweetheart.
SS: Rhubarb?
TR (BOGART): Have some rhubarb and it could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
GK:
But one little thing can revive a guy,
And that is a piece of rhubarb pie.
Serve it up, nice and hot,
Maybe things aren't as bad as you thought.
DUET:
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb,
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb,
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.