Garrison Keillor: And now, a message from the Partnership of English Majors.


Tim Russell: Hi.

Sue Scott: Nice party.

TR: Yeah. Don't I know you?

SS: No, you don't.

TR: Oh.

SS: Your Dracula outfit is nice. You even smell like a vampire.

TR: Yeah, I buried the cape in the ground for a couple weeks.

SS: Cool.

TR: What are you, then? You look kinda dusty and disheveled. Are you somebody from The Addams Family?

SS: No, I'm Bertha Mason.

TR: Oh. --Who's Bertha Mason?

SS: You know, the crazy wife from Jane Eyre. The one Mr. Rochester keeps locked up in the attic.

TR: Mr. Rochester? Isn't he a horse or something?

SS: No, he's a classic fictional character created by Charlotte Bronte.

TR: Oh, right, Charlotte Bronte. Great singer. Pretty hot, too.

SS: No, Charlotte Bronte. The writer. You're thinking of Charlotte Church.

TR: Oh. I guess I don't get your costume then.

SS: Never mind, just forget it.

TR: Jeez. Have a cow, why doncha.

SS: I never knew what that means-have a cow. If you're referring to giving birth to a cow, wouldn't it be better to say "have a calf"?

TR: You are weird.

SS: No, I'm not. I'm an English Major.

TR: Well, you don't gotta take it out on the rest of us.

GK: You mean you don't have to take it out on the rest of us.

SS: Oh hi. Who are you?

GK: I'm Branson Wilder-

SS: Not THE Branson Wilder, author of the incredible sonnet that appeared in this month's Minnesota Quarterly-

GK: Yes, indeed. I couldn't help but notice your Bertha Mason costume.

SS: Wow. I love your costume-the black cape and mud boots, the dark, brooding expression- and you're tall, too. Oh, Heathcliff.

TR: Don't look like Heathcliff to me.

SS: Not the cartoon Heathcliff. The one from Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights-

GK: Indeed.

SS: The passionate anti-hero-

TR: Oh. I was thinking of a big red dog.

SS: Oh get lost. Please?

GK: I always thought Heathcliff and Bertha should have been in the same novel.

SS: I did too. They would have had a lot to talk about.

GK: So- what do you say we get Bertha Mason and go for a walk on the moors. (HOWL)

SS: You're so sensitive- and yet strong.

GK: Of course. - A message, from the Partnership of English Majors.