GK: .....right after this message from Bertha's Kitty Boutique.

(PIANO)

SS: Why can't I find a man who is kind and smart and who thinks about other people and isn't a selfish jerk?

GK: It's true. When you date, you meet a lot of jerks.

FN: HEY! COME ON!!! I was kidding when I called you a fat pig! That's just me! It's how I talk! Come on.

GK: Or you meet creeps.

FN: I have a trust fund of just under four million dollars. You want to know what that pays me every month? Do you?

GK: If you're looking for a smart caring man, you're looking for a man who owns a cat. (MEOW) And it's easy to find him with this cat hair detector from Bertha's. (GEIGER COUNTER BEEPS)

SS: Wow. Hi. My name is Constance.

FN: Fantastic. Wow yourself. I love that dress. Orange is my favorite color. And --- excuse me but I don't think that's your hair on the skirt. I'm guessing Persian.

SS: You have a cat too, don't you?

FN: Persian. Female. Yours?

SS: Male.

FN: Neutered?

SS: Of course not. I would never do that to any man.

GK: A cat hair detector from Bertha's ---- it guides you straight to people as nice as you.

FN (SINGS): You can't go wrong with a man who has a cat.

So look for the cat hair on his lap.

Bertha's Kitty Boutique.