GK: Fred Newman will spend Father's Day with his children, Truman, Newton, Schuman, and Susan, at their weekend house on Martha's Vineyard where they will ride horseback (SFX) into the surf and do some trapshooting (SFX) as they ride horseback through the surf (SFX) and where, years ago, while riding through the surf and trapshooting (SFX) they saw the last surviving German U-Boat from World War II surface (SFX) ----- seventy years they'd been running silent, running deep, living on calamari and kelp, (SUB SFX, AGED GERMAN) and Fred and the kids rounded them up (SFX) and then they safely detonated the torpedoes (THREE BLASTS) and the panicky dolphins who leaped from the water (SFX) they comforted with cold compresses (SFX) ------- it's not been easy for Fred's kids to come to terms with the fact that Daddy does woofs and drips for a living ----- other dads are lawyers----

FN: Conceptually speaking, the optimization of predictive defensibility in tort cases is the game changer here. Bottom-linewise.

GK: Other dads are surgeons.

(SFX O.R.)

FN: Scalpel.

FN (LADY): Scalpel.

FN: Sutures.

FN (LADY): Sutures.

GK: And your dad? (WOOFS)

It's hard. Even though you know your dad is one of the best in the business, if they need a cellphone (SFX) or a flying elephant (ELEPHANT CRY, WINGS)---or a washing machine on the wash cycle (SFX) or the spin cycle (SFX). That's what your dad does all day ---- and it's a dog eat dog world, sound effects (DOG FIGHT), it's a real rat race (RACING RATS), it's a jungle out there (JUNGLE BIRDS), but Fred doesn't talk about that when he comes home. He mows the lawn (SFX), he walks the dog (SFX), he watches TV (SFX) just like other dads. Maybe it's embarrassing to have an adult in your house who's (SHEEP) doing animal sounds. You want to look up to your dad, you don't want him (BOINGING) --- but little do they know that Fred has performed many acts of heroism in the line of duty. He has walked into blinding blizzards (BLIZZARD) to rescue aged cougars who had the croup (SFX), he has walked through the storm (THUNDER, LIGHTNING) to capture zombie Holsteins (SFX), armed with only a laser gun (SFX) he has gone after killer bullfrogs (SFX), vampire bats (BATS), and terrorist cropdusters (SFX).

GK: Father's Day is Sunday. And here in Chicago, all fathers in the sound effects business will be honored with a 21-gun salute (VOLLEY) and a flyover by the Blue Angels (A FORMATION OF JETS, LOW) and a bagpipe band (BAGPIPE) and at the end of the ceremony, by a moment of silence.