GK: It's summer in Canandaigua and the windows are open and people are out and doing things! (LAWNMOWER) All winter people have been longing to hold a weed whacker (WEED WHACKER) and to attack vegetation (BRUSH CUTTER) and to churn up the soil(GARDEN TRACTOR). People are taking out their aggressions on the tennis court (TENNIS)---- they exercise domination over the weak and indecisive with a powerful forehand (BIG SHOT, MISS, WEEPING) They go through the mating ritual of water-skiing (SPEEDBOAT PASS, WHEEE OF WATER SKIER) and men prove their manhood by diving from high cliffs into the sea (SFX) or since there are no high cliffs in Canandaigua, by scoring 137 points with one word in a game of high-stakes Scrabble ---- FN: Propinquity----
You go away for vacation to Nova Scotia (WAVES, GULLS) and you sail the Bay of Fundy in your day sailor (SFX) and you fight the incoming tide and (SFX) your boat is carried under a high cliff where a young man (CRY FALLING, DIVE) hits the water, and you come home to Canandaigua and---- something has changed. (NASCAR TRACK) There is a racetrack next door to your house. (SFX) You neglected to attend that meeting of the zoning board. There's a big race every weekend---- (SFX). And even during the week, late at night there's a lone car out there practicing. (SFX)) So you go to court and the lawyers talk (GIBBERISH LOW, GIBBERISH HIGH, BACK AND FORTH)...
GK: ...and the case is thrown out (HUFFY JUDGE STRIDES TO DOOR, HEAVES CASE OUT THE DOOR, PIGEON FLURRY) so you take the law into your own hands and you walk over there and blow up the racetrack. (EXPLOSION) And you're caught (SIREN) and taken to court and you plead guilty (SOBBING) and you're sentenced to prison (STEEL DOORS, FOOTSTEPS, CELL DOOR OPEN, CLOSE) and there in your cell you find peace and quiet. Sort of. (DRIPPING). You decide to do something good with your life. (SOMETHING GOOD WITH MY LIFE) You decide to make the world a better place. (A BETTER PLACE) And you get out of jail and drive out in the country and (BIRDS) find a peaceful place and just as you are about to sign the contract----(JET PLANE LANDING) a 747 comes in low ---- so you look for someplace else. And you find a lovely place in the woods (BIRDS) and you sit there all day and all night --- nothing ---- no problem--- so you buy it (STAMPING OF DOCUMENT) and you look around and ----- by gosh, it's a vineyard (WOW) ----- rows and rows and rows of grape vines ---- and you invest in a wine press (MOTOR) and barrels (TRUCK BACKING) and you hire undocumented workers (BASQUE GIBBERISH) to pick the grapes and a few months later the bottling factory starts up (MACHINE ASSEMBLY LINE, WHOOSH, GUSH, POP, SHOOSH) and you have a thousand cases of your wine, Canandaigua Euridice, and you pass out bottles to your pals (HEARTY CONGRATULATIONS) and the next day the man from American Vintner Magazine comes and he opens a bottle (SFX)...
GK: ...and he pours it in a glass and swirls it around (SFX) and he tastes it (SFX) and suddenly ----- (SPITTING, GAGGING, HEAVING) he gets sick in front of you, and he looks at you through weeping eyes and -----
FN: Those weren't grapes, those were Brussel sprouts.
GK: You have a thousand cases of fermented sprout juice.
Wouldn't this be a good time for a piece of rhubarb pie.....
Yes, nothing gets the taste of humiliation out of your mouth like Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
(SINGS)
But one little thing can revive a guy,
And that is a piece of rhubarb pie.
Serve it up, nice and hot,
Maybe things aren't as bad as you thought.
DUET:
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb,
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb,
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.