TR: These are the good years for me and Barb. Our new bird feeder had become a raccoon food shelf and so I mounted a water hose on a remote-controlled swivel in the front yard with the spray nozzle set on Needle Sharp and raccoons don't come around any more. Today is World Naked Gardening Day and I looked out the kitchen window checking for raccoons and saw the old couple next door bending over the rhubarb patch in the nude. Kind of interesting. My water hose was aimed straight at them.

SS: Jim! Jim! Oh my gosh!

TR: What's wrong?

SS: I just looked at the calendar. It's May already. You paid our taxes, right? April 15th, Jim?

TR: Look over there, Barb. It's the Hanfords, naked as jaybirds.

SS: Well, so what? Grow up. You've seen naked people before.

TR: Not people in their 80s.

SS: Well, stop staring at tell me you filed our income taxes.

TR: I was meaning to talk to you about that -

SS: No, Jim-

TR: Barb, we need smaller government and there's only one way to make it smaller

SS: Jim. You didn't file?

TR: I did file but I deducted 25% for military spending and I said we won't pay it because we're Mennonite.

SS: Jim! We are not Mennonite. You know it.

TR: We're Mennonite Lite. We're opposed to war. I am. I am now.

SS: Jim, the FBI is going to bust down our door any second and haul us away in handcuffs and we'll be on the Evening News holding our hats over our faces.

TR: Barb. I'm going to grow a beard and you can wear this little white bonnet and we're home free.

SS: Jim! This is ridiculous. We are absolutely paying taxes.

TR: We don't have kids in school anymore. I don't agree with the foreign policy. I don't use roads that much -

SS: You drive everywhere ----

TR: I go slowly. I'm not the one causing wear and tear. And I'm a pacifist.

SS: Since when?

TR: I've come to it gradually.

SS: Jim, I've watched you during the NHL playoffs and you are no pacifist. Frankly I wonder if you're suffering from a ketchup deficiency. Ketchup has natural mellowing agents that help keep a person in touch with reality.

TR: If I turned on this nozzle right now, I'd hit Mrs. Hanford right square in the behind.

SS: Don't do it. Don't.

TR: You want to take your clothes off and go plant petunias?

SS: No. I don't.


These are the good years, here in Indiana.

I'm coming from the South, so don't cry, Susanna

Life is flowing like ketchup on bananas.

GK: Ketchup....for the good times.

RD: Ketchup....ketchup....ketchup.