GK: Up on the south shore of Lake Superior, the ice is a foot or more thick, thick enough for people to hike out on the lake and look at the ice caves in the Apostle Islands (FOOTSTEPS ON ICE, WIND) which are spectacular ----- Gothic cathedral caves with giant icicles and the acoustics are amazing ---- (FN SWISS YODEL, REVERB) ----- you can hear what someone is saying a hundred feet away ---- (REVERB, SS HISSING: No, you cannot do that in here. Find a toilet. ) ----- of course everyone brings their camera and that means you're waiting for fifty people ahead of you to take selfies with giant icicles (SS REVERB: Take another one. I had my mouth open.) but it's awesome and there are organ recitals (REVERB, BACH D MINOR TOCCATA) and you get sort of engrossed out there and forget that on Lake Superior storms can come up swiftly (BLIZZARD, HOWL) and suddenly you're in a blinding blizzard (SS: Jim???? Jim!!!!!!) and you need to be rescued by Park Service police on snowmobiles (TR: Hang on. SNOWMOBILE) and it's late at night and the snowmobile almost runs into a moose (SFX, MOOSE ALARM, TR SHOUT, SNOWMOBILE SWERVE), and you're shaken up and you see a motel on the highway with a Vacancy sign and you decide to spend the night ---
FN (WEIRD MAN): We just got one room left, mister. The one way down on the end. The one where---- well, never mind.
GK: The one where what?
FN (WEIRD): Nothing. Just thinking out loud.
GK: How much?
FN (WEIRD): Twenty bucks.
GK: The rest of your rooms are a hundred bucks.
FN (WEIRD): Quite a good deal for you. (WEIRD LAUGHTER)
GK: And you go down to the room. Unit 13. Put the key in the lock (SFX), open the door (SQUEAKY DOOR), and the light switch doesn't work (CLICKS). You step in and you hear the door lock behind you. (CLICK) And you are not alone in this room. (TR BREATHING) Hello? Is someone in here?
TR (REVERB): It's me. The apostle Luke.
GK: St. Luke. The physician.
TR (REVERB): Right. So---- how did you like the apostle islands?
GK: It was great. Is something wrong?
TR (REVERB): No, we're just taking a survey.
GK: Okay.
TR (REVERB): Was your experience awesome, interesting, boring, or unpleasant.
GK: Awesome.
TR (REVERB): And your experience of Christianity so far: awesome, interesting, boring, or unpleasant.
GK: Well, it's been a lot of different things.
TR (REVERB): If you had to rank it on a scale of one to ten, ten being awesome, how would you rank it?
GK: Well, in comparison to what? It's the only religion I've known.
TR (REVERB): How about we say Seven?
GK: Okay.
TR (REVERB): Mostly satisfactory.
GK: Okay.
TR (REVERB): Would you recommend Christianity to your friends?
GK: Uh, most of them already are. Or were.
TR (REVERB): Okay. Any questions for me?
GK: Do you know anything about lower back pain?
TR (REVERB): How low? Down here?
GK: Aiiiiiiiiiiii. Yeah. There.
TR (REVERB): You need more exercise.
GK: I thought maybe you'd say something like that.
TR (REVERB): The Lord never had back problems. He walked a lot. Lots of exercise. And he didn't work hard. Cast out demons, raised the dead, that sort of thing. But he never worked in a vineyard. Didn't farm, didn't fish. Walked on water. That was something. But he took it easy.
GK: Thanks for the advice.
TR (REVERB): Okay. Good talking to you. Don't forget ---- do unto others ---- you know.
GK: I will. Thanks. Bye.
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