GK: .....after a word from your friendly neighborhood banker who says (TR SINGS: We're not just about finance. We're about love.)
(ROMANTIC MUSIC)
If you have a daughter, one daughter, you look forward to the day when you show your love for her and give her a fairy-tale wedding, a wedding that people talk about for years afterward, a wedding that puts every other wedding to shame. Of course if you have three or four or five or six daughters, you may have to settle for a used wedding gown from Goodwill and a ceremony in the backyard and a cake from WalMart, but with one daughter, you naturally want to do something really wonderful ---- you want to fly a wedding gown designer over from Paris (TR FRENCH, MAKING ALTERATIONS. SS GIRL, EXCITEMENT) and you want the ceremony to take place in the Grand Canyon --- the guests airlifted in (CHOPPER) and the bride arriving on horseback (HORSE WHINNY, GALLOP, SS GIDDUP & WHEEE) ---- and you want the cake to be six feet tall, made by German confectioners (TR GERMAN, FUSSING OVER CAKE. SS: Oh wow.), and you want a whole squadron of clergy, you want High Church Anglican (TR ENGLISH: Dearly beloved, ipso facto.... non compos mentis....nolo contendere.....(DINGING BELL) tempus fugit.....pax vobiscum....per capita....per diem. Adeste, fidelis. (DINGING) GK: ...and of course you're thinking, How much is this going to cost? That is the wrong sort of thinking. You're wondering, How can I do this for under $50,000? You can't. Don't think about it. Think about your daughter. (SS: O Daddy. Daddy my daddy. I love you soooooo much. You make me sooooooo happy. Totally). And call your friendly banker and let him worry about it. (TR: Sign here. SCRIBBLE. Sign here. (SCRIBBLE) And initial here. (SCRIBBLE) And here. (SCRIBBLE) ----- Now you're in business. Let your Wedding Planner make something really good---- (SS NYER: The pinspots go up there, the uplights here by the altar, and I need the string quartet over there where the doves will be released.) ----- yes, you will want a release of doves when the vows are said ---- pigeons will not do, chickadees no, you need white doves, as the string quartet plays (VIOLIN, BASS --- AVE MARIA) and up they go (DOVE WINGS ASCENDING) and don't forget photography. Ansel Adams is dead and Richard Avedon, but Adam Avedon is available (FN: OKAY PEOPLE. WORK WITH ME NOW. WORK WITH ME) and he comes with a crew of six and he uses a crane to get into position (CRANE SFX. FN; HIGHER, HIGHER. SFX) and he is very particular about the photography (FN: I'M SORRY BUT WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SAY THE VOWS AGAIN. I KNOW. I KNOW. ONE MORE TIME WITH THE VOWS.) and there is a videographer (TR ITALIAN DIRECTOR)...
GK: ...and afterward the reception will take place in a ponderosa forest so the guests will need to be transported there (CHOPPER) and your caterer will have worked for a week with a crew of sixteen to prepare the dinner (TR FRENCH, SHOUTING, CLAPPING HANDS. CREW PANIC) which will be ---- will be----- will be what? (TR FRENCH MENU) and there will be entertainment at dinner ---- Itzhak Perelman (VIOLIN FLASH) and Emmanuel Ax (PIANO CADENZA) and Renee Fleming (FN SING, O MIO BABBINO CARO) and the the old man with the ponytail (TR WILLIE: Mamas, don't bring your babies up to be bridesmaids) ----- did I mention the bridesmaids? There are thirty of them (FN, TR, SS, GIRLISH TITTERING) and they each have an entourage and a publicist and a hairdresser. And there's more. Gift bags for the 1500 guests, each with a bottle of Dom Perignon. The fireworks at the end (SFX) and the flyover by the Blue Angels (SFX) and the Rolls Royce limo taking your daughter and your son-in-law to the airport for the honeymoon (TR DOPER: Hey, thanks, Dad. Dad dude. Cool.) And a honeymoon where? There's really only one place. Nepal. A mountain hideaway in the Himalayas. (JET TAKE OFF) How could you do less? For your daughter.
How are you going to pay for all this? You wonder. Leave it to your friendly banker.
SS (WIFE): The bank called, honey.
FN: Oh?
SS (WIFE): The house has been sold.
FN: Really?
SS (WIFE): Remember how you always wanted to downsize?
FN: I did?
SS (WIFE): We're moving to a studio apartment, and it's on a bus line, and you won't be retiring for another fifteen years.
FN: Oh. Okay.
SS: The pictures came from Madeleine's wedding.
FN: Oh?
SS: You look so grim in them. So worried.
FN: Oh. Sorry.
GK: Your neighborhood banker. Remember. (TR SINGS: We're not just about finance. We're about love.)