FN (CHILD): Daddy?

FN: Yes, sweetheart.

FN (CHILD): What do you do for a living, Daddy? Are you a lawyer?

FN: No.

FN (CHILD): Are you a doctor?

FN: No, I'm not, honey.

FN (CHILD): What do you do???

GK: It's not easy when you're a sound effects man to tell your child that Daddy woofs and honks for a living. Other daddies are saving lives, defending the innocent, teaching, legislating, and their daddy is ---- (HONKS). Even if their daddy is the best SFX man in the business, able to do a cellphone (SFX) that is in a washing machine (SFX) on spin cycle (SFX) or a race between two rats (SFX) two rats with hiccups (SFX) and a 1962 Oldsmobile with a faulty differential going around a corner (SFX) being driven by a dolphin (SFX) who is singing jazz (SFX), still it's hard for a child to explain to his teacher what daddy does.

FN (CHILD): My daddy barks and meows, Miss Lewis

FN (WOMAN): Oh, I see. Why?

FN (CHILD): I don't know.

FN (WOMAN): Let me ask you this--- Do you feel safe at home?

GK: And so Fred has kept his professional life a secret from his children, and when he comes out to Minnesota and they call on the phone, he has to invent things.

FN: I'm at a snowmobile race (SFX) --- I'll call you back (SFX) ---- I can't hear you.

GK: They think he's writing a book about Minnesota.


FN: Hi. Listen, I can't talk now. (MOOSE) I'm in the woods rescuing a moose. (MOOSE) He's suffering from exposure and we're putting a sweater on him. (EFFORT, MOOSE) And now I'm giving him some peppermint schnapps and a cigar. (MOOSE SWALLOWING) (DRAG, EXHALE)

GK: His children have never been to Minnesota so they have no basis for questioning this.

FN: Listen, I'll call you back. We're down on the river in St. Paul and we have to send the seal out to the submarine in a motorboat. (SEAL. MOTORBOAT START) The submarine is looking for Asian carp and (FISH JUMP) ---- there's one. (SHOTGUN) Got him. Asian carp are endangering the native fish in the Mississippi and ---- okay, the seal's on the submarine (SEAL, CLOSE HATCH) ---- he's a Navy seal especially trained to identify Asian carp ---- (SONAR) and now he's locating the carp. (TWO TORPEDOES FIRE) And there go the torpedoes. And (EXPLOSION) I think he hit a carp. Yes--- it's flying through the air (SFX) and I caught it (FISH FLOPPING) and (GUNSHOT) I got him.

GK: He doesn't dare tell them he's a woofer and a meower, so he has to make up things ----- blizzards (SFX), flying a cropduster (PLANE, LOW), cougars (COUGAR), feral Holsteins (DEMENTED COW) but on the other hand for Valentine's Day he was able to send his wife a 21-gun salute (VOLLEY) and a flyover by the Blue Angels in heart-shaped formation (A FORMATION OF JETS, LOW) and a bagpipe band playing "My Funny Valentine" (BAGPIPE).