CT: More of our show coming right up after this message from Beboparebop Rhubarb Pie.
As a person gets older, your standards get higher and things you would've tolerated years ago, now they drive you bananas ---- like spa music...... (NEW AGE PIANO) you go in to have your teeth cleaned and the hygienist puts headphones on you and it's only music, (SOFT WHINE OF RUBBER BIT) and yet you can't stand it ----
TR: TURN IT OFF!
SS: Sorry? (END WHINE)
TR: Turn the music off.
SS: How about this? (NEW AGE SITAR)
TR: No!!! No!!!
SS: You like this? (FN HIPHOP)
TR: No!!! Not that!!!! Please! No music!
SS: Here, You'll like this. (BAGPIPE)
TR: (CRY OF FRUSTRATION).
CT: It's frustrating. You go online, trying to read email, and ads keep popping up.....
SS: SAVE UP TO 30% ON AUTO INSURANCE!!! (TR YELL)
FN: TWO NIGHTS FREE AT A TOP HOTEL IN LAS VEGAS? (TR YELL)
SS: TEN EXCITING NEW RECIPES USING ANCHOVIES. (TR: NO!!!!!!!)
FN: LEARN A SAFE, EASY NEW METHOD OF INDUCING VOMITING? (TR: GO AWAY!!!)
CT: It's a life of aggravation. Technology turns against you. Tools that once were a valued part of your life become insidious enemies. (FN RECORDED VOICE: Thank you for calling Amalgamated Airlines. Your call is very important to us. If you wish to leave a message in the vast pool of weeping and whininess, press 1 now. If you wish to throw yourself on the mercy of another robot, press 2 or just curse under your breath. If you wish to hear other options, press 3. (TR: Here, I've got another option for you. GUNSHOTS)
CT: Well now look what you did. (TR: I shot my own phone.)
CT: You did. You ought to relax. Maybe get out of town. Head for the country. So you get in the car and on the freeway (INTERIOR OF CAR. TR: Hey you in the SUV!!!! Quit texting and drive!!!! Huh???? HONKS)...
CT: ...and you get to Anytown USA and get a room at the motel (FN CREEPY CLERK: We have one room left. It's down at the end. There's no shower. There was an accident with the shower.)
CT: ...and you go into the coffee shop for supper and the waitress is old and slow (SS: What can I get for you?)
TR: What's your seafood special tonight?
SS: You're not from around here, are you?
TR: What do you have that's good?
SS: Hot turkey sandwich. White meat, white bread, white gravy, and mashed potatoes.
TR: Do you have any soup?
SS: I can put more gravy on it if you like.
CT: You walk down the Main Street. It's dark. (NIGHT SOUNDS. CRICKETS, DISTANT TRAFFIC) And there's a song playing. (MANDOLIN, SAD MARCH) And you walk faster (SFX) and it won't go away. And then you hear (THROAT CLEAR) and look behind you and it's a mandolin player following you. A tiny mandolinist in a long black cape. And a hood over his face. (TR: Hey!!!! Who are you!!!! Leave me alone!!!)
CT: But now you know who this is (FAINT CHUCKLE) and now you're not in town anymore, you're somewhere outside town, no lights anywhere, and the road is heading into a long dark valley and wouldn't this be a good time for a piece of rhubarb pie.......
One little thing can revive a guy,
And that is home-made rhubarb pie.
Serve it up, nice and hot.
Maybe things aren't as bad as you thought.
ALL:
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb,
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb,
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.