TR: Everyone is familiar with the Minnesota stereotype.....taciturn men, emotionally repressed women, passive aggressive Scandinavian, hotdish, cold weather, don't make a big deal ---- but stereotypes don't really describe us......as we find out now as we join ---- THE MARTINS OF MINNEAPOLIS... (QUIET CAFE AMBIENCE)

GK: What's on your mind?

KATE: Right now?

GK: Yes.

KATE: Nothing.

GK: How can you think nothing?

KATE: Why do you ask a question like that??

GK: You sit there and don't say anything---- it makes me feel like you don't want to be with me.

KATE: Of course I want to be with you.

TR: Pardon----- would you two care to order? Ma'am----

KATE: You ready to order?

GK: You go ahead.

KATE: I'd like the ribeye steak, medium rare, and a side of creamed spinach. And a glass of Cabernet.

TR: Very good. Sir?

GK: The Cobb salad ---- does that have bacon bits in it?

TR: Yes, sir.

GK: Could I have that without the bacon bits?

TR: Yes, of course.

GK: But is the salad already made?

TR: Yes, sir.

GK: So the bacon bits are already in it?

TR: Yes, but I'll take them out. And the chicken.

GK: No, that's all right. I'll have the hummus and I'll have the chopped salad.

TR: Very good.

GK: There's no bacon or anything in it, right?

TR: Right.

GK: Good. And the lettuce isn't genetically modified, is it?

TR: I'll ask the chef.

GK: Thanks. And could you put the dressing on the side?

TR: Certainly. And what to drink?

GK: Water.

TR: Tap or bottled?

GK: Tap.


KATE: Excuse me? Sir?

TR (OFF): Yes?

KATE: I'd like to change my order and get the spinach salad and the tofu entree.

TR (OFF): You don't want the ribeye?

KATE: I changed my mind. Thanks.

GK: It's okay. You can have the ribeye ---- If that's what you need. Knock yourself out.

KATE: No, I don't want it.

GK: I really don't mind. If you have your heart set on meat, I don't want to stand in your way.

KATE: I'll have the tofu.

GK: If you're doing that for my benefit, really, don't. I'm around carnivores all the time. My whole family--- you know----

KATE: Please. I'm fine.

GK: Cow comes down a chute, some migrant worker puts a shotgun shell into its brain, they wrap a chain around the hind leg, hoist it up, gut the thing, strip the hide----- that's my family. They call it juice, it's blood, but who cares----

TR: You want the tofu?

KATE: Yes, please.

TR: Very good.


GK: Notice anything different about me?

KATE: Your hair?

GK: No.

KATE: Eye shadow?

GK: It's not eye shadow, it's mascara---- no---- this tie clasp? Remember this?

KATE: The one with the emerald on it?

GK: It's not an emerald, it's an agate. You gave this to me. You don't remember?

KATE: I sort of remember.

GK: We were in Vermont. I can't believe you don't remember. Do you remember what day next Monday is?

KATE: Next Monday?

GK: It's the anniversary of the day you asked me to come to Boston with you and meet your parents.

KATE: Oh. Right. So what do you want to do?

GK: What do you mean?

KATE: On Monday---- to celebrate.

GK: Monday is my book club ---- Hello???

KATE: Oh right.

GK: First Monday of the month.....been doing it for fifteen years......ring a bell?

KATE: Oh. Okay. What's the book?

GK: It's nothing you'd be interested in.


GK: It's called "Dark Reflections"----- it's by Monica Mays Morrisey

KATE: I tried to read her last one, and, I donno. I just couldn't get into it.

GK: Well, it's very complex writing. Don't worry about it.

KATE: I'm not worried about it.

GK: Anyway, it doesn't matter.


TR: Here's your tofu. And spinach salad. Sir---- your hummus. And chopped salad.

GK: And I ordered tap water.

TR: Oh. Right. I'll be right back.

GK: I think we have a problem.

KATE: What?

GK: I'm just wondering if we need to get help--- there just seems to be a big blank between us.

KATE: Oh come on!

GK: I'm just being honest.


FN: Kenny!!!! Oh my god.

GK: Oh my god. Chuck! (BIG HUG) It's so good to see you. You have lost weight.

FN: Have not!

GK: You have. I mean it. You are so skinny.

FN: Shut----- up. I cannot believe this!!!! I was just thinking about you!!!

GK: Me too!!!

FN: Oh my god. I haven't seen you in like forever. Forever!!!

Your hair looks so good. I love it swept back like that. What are you putting on it? And where did you get that shirt? Stripes look so good on you.

GK: You really think so?

FN: I know so. Absolutely. My god. We have got to get together and do some major catching up. Hi, Brenda.

KATE: Hi. How you doing?

FN: Say, could you do me a huge favor? My hair is so frizzy. I can't do a thing with it. Could you like pull it back in a ponytail for me? Do you have time?

GK: Of course. ----- Like this?

FN: Oh, that's perfect. Yes.

GK: How's this?

FN: Oh. Perfect.

GK: Okay. I'm cold. Are you cold? Or is it just me?

FN: It's cold in here. How's the food here? Is this hummus? I love hummus.

GK: Help yourself.

FN: So---- anyway----- we need to talk-

GK: Now?

FN: Yes.

GK: Do you mind? Brenda? We're going to the men's room. Back in a jif.

KATE: Okay, you go ahead.

GK: Thanks.

FN: Nice seeing you, Brenda.

KATE: Likewise.



SS: Hey!

KATE: Hey, wassup.

SS: What you doing?

KATE: Hanging out.

SS: Mind if I hang with you?

KATE: It's a free country.

SS: So what's up?

KATE: Not much. You?

SS: Same old same old.

KATE: So you got money on the game?

SS: Super Bowl?

KATE: Yeah.

SS: Patriots.

KATE: Me too. Where you going to watch it?

SS: Judy's. Hey, who's that hunk over there?

KATE: Chuck.

SS: Coupla major gonads on him---- Take a look. Hubba hubba, ding dong. And I do mean, Ding.

KATE: Boy, you got a one-track mind.

SS: Wouldn't mind checking that out. Look at him. Boy, he's asking for it. Look how he's standing. Don't tell me he doesn't want it. You bet he wants it.

KATE: You're not going over there, are you?

SS: Why not?

KATE: You get in trouble, don't blame me.

SS: He wants it. He's begging for it.


TR: The stereotype is what it is, but it's not who we really are. Join us again next week for....MINNEAPOLIS.