GK: . . . The following message does not necessarily represent the views of this show, our sponsors, or this public radio station.
(SFX DEER ENTERS, HOOVES)
FN: (DEER) Hello this is Bucky. I'm a white-tailed deer. And I'm here to say that winter is really very rough on us deer. Having to forage for browse. Looking out for guys with rifles. Watching for cars. Winter is as rough for us as it is for birds. But people put out bird feeders and old men sit in parks and feed squirrels and swans but they never do a darned thing for us deer. Have a heart, people. How about a few sunflower seeds for us? A few apples wouldn't hurt. Some suet. Would it kill you to make a salt lick in your yard? Give us a break. That's all we're asking. Just remember this---- we've got ticks and we're prepared to use them. We can come around at night and rub up against your car and scrape off some deer ticks and a few weeks later you'll feel exhausted and achy and feverish and get a headache that never goes away. It's your choice: Feed The Deer or get Lyme Disease. And if you still don't get the message, our deer commandos will be waiting at night in the ditch alongside the highway, ready to leap up and come crashing hooves-first through your windshield. We've got nothing to lose! So feed the deer. Or else.
GK: The preceding message definitely does not represent the views of this show, our sponsors, or this public radio station.