(MARCH: PROKOFIEV, Love for Three Oranges)

TR (LAW ENFORCER): Sgt. Lance Peterson, Minnesota Border Patrol......If you're coming to St. Paul from the east, a reminder that we are 18 miles from the Wisconsin border and tensions can be high on account of Minnesota is a progressive state whereas Wisconsin is in the hands of a right-wing oligarchy serving the interests of the rich. Interstate 94 is open, which connects Minnesota to Chicago, by way of Wisconsin, but when you're on it, you'll find out that Wisconsin people due to poor public education are unable to read road signs. And during the football season, with their team having gotten to the NFC finals thanks to a referee's bad call in their game with Dallas, Wisconsinites are at a fever pitch and travel through the state by people with outstate plates can be hazardous. Every day thousands of Wisconsinites try to cross the border in order to take advantage of things we have that they don't, such as libraries, good schools, the arts, and high-paying jobs. From time to time, our Border Patrol may stop westbound traffic and randomly check the vehicles with our cheese-sniffing dogs (SFX). This is for your own safety. And on Sunday, after Green Bay goes down to defeat in the NFC final, the border will be closed until Monday morning to prevent road rage. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause to travellers. Thank you for your attention. Have a good day.

(MARCH)