RING 3 X
PICK UP
SS: Duane?
GK: Hi, Mom. Happy Thanksgiving.
SS: Thanksgiving was two days ago, Duane. Thursday. I was waiting for your call and it never came.
GK: Mom----
SS: It never came. I sat at the table and Hank said, "Eat, for goodness sake. Eat some food." And I said to him, "Hank, I don't want my mouth to be full when my son calls me."
GK: Mom, that's a line from an old Nichols & May sketch. Mom, that's comedy.
SS: Well, you go ahead and laugh. I'm not laughing.
GK: Who came over for Thanksgiving, Mom?
SS: We saved a place for you, that's what.
GK: I'm in New York, Mom.
SS: I realize that but I thought that maybe, by some miracle.....
GK: Who was there with you?
SS: Your father's sister Sharon. The weepy one. With her deadhead boyfriend Ralph who sits there like a stone. She brought a shrimp casserole and I tell you, she has never been good at checking expiration dates ---- I knew the moment I put a forkful in my mouth that I was headed for the emergency room.
GK: What happened?
SS: Well, she was complaining that nobody likes her cooking and nothing she makes turns out right, so----- trying to comfort her, I took a second bite.
GK: And it wasn't good?
SS: I could be dead now, Duane. I almost headed for the hospital.
GK: So you got food poisoning?
SS: No, I decided by sheer force of will that I would not get food poisoning. I said it over and over. I will not get food poisoning. I do not want to be bent down over a toilet when my son calls me.
GK: So how was the turkey?
SS: We didn't have turkey this year. I sent your father to pick up the turkey at the store and he came home with tilapia. I didn't want him to feel bad, so I went ahead with it. How do you stuff tilapia? I tried and it all fell apart and I wound up with a fish stew. But your father is okay with anything. You know him. I could've served him fishsticks with melted Velveeta and he'd have been happy. So enough about me. What was your Thanksgiving like?
GK: It was okay.
SS: Okay?
GK: I went to a diner.
SS: A diner.
GK: They had a turkey dinner special and it wasn't bad. White meat and dressing and candied yams and cranberry---
SS: So who were you with?
GK: It was just me.
SS: Just you?? But what about what's her name? The girl with red hair?
GK: Colleen. She went up to Boston to spend it with her family.
SS: And she didn't take you with her?
GK: We're just friends, Mom.
SS: Well, friends don't let friends be alone on Thanksgiving. For mercy sake.....
GK: I was fine.
SS: My son, alone in a diner in New York, eating turkey and dressing in a crowd of homeless drifters.
GK: I don't think they were homeless.
SS: Well, why else would they be in a cafe?
GK: New Yorkers have tiny kitchens. Their ovens are about big enough to heat up a grilled cheese sandwich. They usually eat out. So how's Dad?
SS: Oh, he's the same. So how was your writers' conference out there? Tell me all about it.
GK: Well, we're not called writers, Mom. We're called content providers. We write for websites. I'm writing reviews of hotels and restaurants.
SS: Oh, so you get to travel?
GK: No, we write from looking at pictures.
SS: Well, at least you're getting paid to write!! I'm so proud!
GK: Well, not exactly, Mom. But I'm meeting people and learning a lot and that's good.
SS: Well, I'm happy if you're happy.
GK: Right.
SS: Here---- Duane---- talk to your dad----- he's eager to talk with you. Hold on. (OFF) Hank. Hank! You can't? Ok, I'll bring it to you -- (ON) He's looking forward to talking to you, Duane. Here he is.
TR: Hi, Son.
GK: Hi, Dad. (PAUSE) You ok?
TR: Oh, sure. Got a case of the trots from that shrimp hotdish but we're better now.
GK: Good.
TR: Just sitting here, enjoying my ginger ale, listening to the radio.
GK: Oh? What's on?
TR: Oh, I donno. Call-in show or something. Got to get outside --- what with that shrimp, I kind of fell behind on the snow shovelling.
GK: I thought you hired someone to do that, Dad.
TR: I did for awhile but he wasn't getting the edges straight.
GK: Okay, but you've got a lot of sidewalk and driveway to deal with.
TR: It's what gets me out of the house.
GK: Okay.
TR: Shovelling is just about all I got left now.
GK: Well, I wouldn't know.
TR: Well, it was good catching up.
GK: Yeah. You want to hear about New York?
TR: Your mother'll fill me in.
GK: Okay, Dad. Feel better.
TR: Ok, bye son.
GK: Bye, Dad.
SS: (OFF) Already? Ok. Ok. (ON) Duane?
GK: Mom?
SS: I was thinking that if you'd like, we could all go have Christmas dinner at a diner, what do you think? Dinner at the Diner. Got a ring to it. Just you and me and Dad----- we can sit there and eat turkey loaf and instant mashed potatoes and (WEEPY) cranberry out of a can and a factory-made apple pie, instead of the home-cooked meals that your Mother has been making for the past thirty-seven years, imagining that they meant something to you---- we'll just go to a diner. One with an old waitress with a hairnet and paper placemats with advertising on them for auto body shops and funeral homes. (SOBS)
GK: Mom?
(SS SOBS)
GK: Mom. I'll plan on Christmas at yours.
SS: Only if you want to, Duane. I don't want to force you.
GK: I'll be there, Mom. I promise.
SS: Good. Then you'll get to meet Candace.
GK: Candace?
SS: Did I not tell you about her? She works at the waste treatment plant. In the office side, though -- she just got divorced! You'd love her.
GK: Oh, brother--
SS: What?
GK: Nothing, Mom. Great.
SS: I'll make cheese-balls!
GK: Can't wait. Okay, bye now.
SS: Bye now. Love you.
GK: Love you.
SS: Bye.
(PHONE CLICK)