(ORGAN)
TR (ANNC): And now, Rainbow Motor Oil and the Rainbow Family of Automotive Products brings you- Dr. Kent Kendall, Wildlife Urologist.
(CRICKETS, OWL, DISTANT BIRDS)
GK: Well, we've had a pretty good day, Maureen, and I feel that big buck is down in this ravine. If you stay here under the big red oak, I'm going to climb down and check out that brushy area.
SS: I don't mean to question your judgement, Doctor, but ---- why are we putting so much effort into treating white-tailed deer for prostate problems when deer-hunting seasons opens in November?
GK: I realize you don't share my vision, Maureen, but I didn't hire you for that. I hired you for your sure touch with a catheter. You can leave the why up to me.
SS: It's almost dark, Doctor. We've done fourteen deer today. Isn't that enough for you?
GK: There's one more ---- I know he's out here ---- and I can tell from the trail of urine drippings that he's in some discomfort and in danger of developing a bladder infection. Let's keep looking. This way. (UNDERBRUSH) If you and I don't help him, then who will?
SS (TO HERSELF): You mean, how many other lunatics are out in the woods with catheters?
GK: What was that, Maureen?
SS: I'm right behind you. (TO HERSELF) Sometimes I wish I had an enlarged prostate. Maybe he would notice me then.
GK: What was that Maureen?
SS: Nothing. Just talking to myself.
GK: I think I see him, Maureen. (OWL HOOT, WALKING THROUGH GRASS) Right there. In the tall grass. (COUGAR CRY) Get me the dart gun. ---- Oh my gosh. It's not deer. It's a full-grown cougar. (COUGAR DISCOMFORT) He's crouched down, trying desperately to urinate. (COUGAR DISCOMFORT) Blow dart please.
SS: Here you go doctor.
(BLOW DART, THUK, COUGAR PASSES OUT)
GK: Got him. Quick. Rubber glove please, for the digital examination. (GLOVES SNAP ON). A squirt of lubricant (SFX) And in we go. (COUGAR MOANS). Yep. Prostate's enlarged all right. (SFX). So we'll do a procedure. Ultrasound, please.
SS: Here you go, doctor.
GK: Have to be very careful to only clear out the inner part of the prostate.
SS: It's getting dark, Doctor.
GK: Hold the flashlight steady, Maureen.
SS: Are you ready for the laser, Dr. Kendall? (MILD COUGAR NOISES)
GK: Microwave catheter please.
SS: Here you go doctor.
GK: There's something crawling up my pantleg, Maureen, but I'm going to ignore it.
SS: Do you want me to see what it is, Dr. Kendall?
GK: Later. Turn on the microwave generator. (CLICK, WARBLING LASER WAVES)
GK: There we go. (COUGAR MOAN) The computer-generated microwaves are travelling through this catheter to heat the prostate and destroy excess tissue. It's minimally invasive. And when we're finished he should have all his faculties back. Ease of urination, and anything else he might want to do.
SS: Like what, Dr. Kendall?
(LASER WARBLING)
GK: Almost finished, Maureen.
SS: So he'll soon be back to his...full capacity? Whatever that means? He's a pretty old cougar. Not so sure he's got much left in the tank, if you want to know the truth.
GK: Not our judgement to make, Maureen. Anyway we're finished. (LASER SHUTDOWN).
SS: What about that thing crawling up your leg?
GK: I can feel it around my knee now, whatever it is.
SS: It could be an infected deer tick.
GK: I have to sew up the patient, Maureen.
SS: I could look up your pantleg for you, Doctor
GK: No, I'm going to need you to open his mouth while I insert this antibiotic.
SS: Now? (COUGAR)
GK: Now.
SS: Okay, I've got him. (COUGAR GAG)
GK: I need to place it way back in his throat. So his swallowing reflex takes over.
(COUGAR GAG)
GK: And it's down. Good work Maureen.
SS: And what about you, Dr.? You might have a deertick headed for your inner thigh right now.
GK: I guess I'd better take off my pants and check.
You don't want to go behind a tree while I do this, Maureen? (UNZIPS)
SS: I'm a professional
GK: It's up to you.
SS: When you're searching for a tiny deer tick in dim light, it helps to have another set of eyes, Dr. Kendall. Here. Let me look at your leg. --- Oh my gosh. Strawberries on your briefs. What is that about?
GK: It's getting dark out. What do you see? (STIRRING) The cougar is waking up. We don't have a lot of time. (COUGAR CRY) He's getting up.
SS: It's not a deer tick. Thank goodness. It's only a big hairy spider.
GK: Look, he's headed to the tree. He's lifting his leg--- (BIG STRONG PEE) Another victory in Wildlife Urology, Maureen. This is why we do what we do, Maureen.
SS: But what about you, Dr. Kendall?
GK: What about me?
SS: Do you notice that I'm holding your left leg? Do you? ----Strawberries.
(COUGAR CRY)
(ORGAN)
TR (ANNC): And that's all the time we have for Kent Kendall, Veterinary Urologist, brought to you by Rainbow Motor Oil and the Rainbow Family of Automotive Products.
(ORGAN OUT)