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A Prairie Home Companion Segment 23 for May 17, 2014
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KETCHUP

SS: These are the good years for Jim and me. We're in

Atlanta during the January blizzard and we bought up

dozens of homes people were selling in a panic and moving

to Florida and we made a bundle and so I was able to afford

botox and Jim had his jowls removed and we were

attractive again. One morning, I went downstairs to ask Jim

about maybe a vacation in Aruba and he had headphones

on and he was listening to music.

TR (TO HIMSELF):

They call me the wanderer

Yeah, the wanderer----

I roam around, around, around

SS: Jim, I saw a nice health spa on Aruba---What you say

we go spend a few weeks.

TR: Why, Barb? Let's wait until I get slimmed down with

this protain powder I bought.

TR: It gives you increased muscle mass, so you burn

additional calories without any exercise whatsoever. Hey--

-- what's wrong with your face?

SS: What do you mean?

TR: Those frown lines between your eyebrows --- you

ought to get botox.

SS: I did, Jim. In February. After the snowstorm.

TR: Oh.

SS: You didn't notice, did you.

TR: I guess not.

SS: It made me feel bad that you didn't notice that the

frown lines were gone and that's what made the frown lines

come back. So now I need a complete facelift.

TR: Gosh I love this song. (SINGS TO HIMSELF) Little

Surfer, little one, you have made my life undone. How I

love you, little Surfer Girl ---OOOOOO (FALSETTO,

UNDER....)

SS: Oh Jim. I feel so bad about those Atlantans who sold

us their homes at a fraction of their value. What do you say

we send a truckload of ketchup down there. Ketchup

contains natural mellowing agents that help prevent panic

due to weather.

RD (SINGS):

These are the good times

We're putting on the Ritz.

The bloom is on the flowers

The peachtrees and peach pits

Life is flowing

Like ketchup on your grits

GK: Ketchup, for the good times.

RD: Ketchup, ketchup.