TR: And now Federated Fuel Oil Dealers of Western Minnesota brings you THE SECRET LIFE OF LUTHERANS......

GK: Marlys, I know you may not have had this in mind when you invited me over for hot dish and coffee, but I have to say that I've been crazy about you for years and I know it's wrong, you and I both married to wonderful people, but I want to throw it all over and run away with you and live a passionate life, no matter what the price we have to pay ---- the shame, the pain we cause to others, I can't live without you, can't you see that? Somehow I believe that you've had the same thoughts. I'm not asking for an answer now, but you have my cellphone number and when you say the word, I'll be here.

SS: You want to run away where?

GK: I want to give up everything I have, my family, my career, my reputation, and take you to Italy and live with passionate abandon and delight you in every way I possibly can, stopping at nothing, a life that would be impossible for us here in Minnesota, especially this time of year ---- to sleep late and make love over and over and over, have lunch on a piazza, wine, dance, song, all of it, I want to give you all of it, Marlys.

SS: Where exactly in Italy are you thinking about running away to?

GK: I want to give up my life, my family, my dreams, and take you to Rome and live passionately and be free in ways we've never known and take you to heights of ecstasy you never dreamed possible in this life.

SS: I read somewhere that Rome is really incredibly expensive.

GK: Marlys, I want to fly you to Rome and take you to a hotel and live with passion, not thinking about money, only thinking about freedom, freedom of feeling, of loving, express the longing that I've always felt, experience joy, experience life in a way that's impossible here, take you to heights you never dreamed possible in this life.

SS: And what do we do then?

GK: After I take you to heights you never dreamed possible?

SS: Yes. What do we do afterward?

GK: We have lunch. We eat, we talk, we laugh, we cry, we share, we dance, we take life in our two hands and squeeze all the juice out of it, we say how we truly feel and not how we think we're expected to feel, we rise to heights of ecstasy we never dreamed possible in this life, we shriek, we laugh, we cry

SS: And who picks up afterward?

GK: Picks up what?

SS: Well, like the empty wine bottles, the clothes you rip off me, the bedsheets strewn all over the room.

GK: The maid does. She'll listen to our passion until its spent and then while we shower and eat, she'll clean the room.

SS: And she'll do the laundry.

GK: Yes, the clothes that I rip off you in a frenzy of mindless desire so that I can take you to heights of ecstasy you never dreamed possible ---- what's wrong? Why do you look at me like that?

SS: Wouldn't it be possible to just remove my clothes and hang them in the closet? Or even drape them on a chair?

GK: But I'm talking about a frenzy of wild desire----

SS: ----and take me to heights of ecstasy I never dreamed possible---- I know. But if my clothes are strewn all over and getting wrinkled, I'm not going to be capable of ecstasy.

GK: Marlys, I want to give up everything for you!! Throw it all away, my career, my retirement fund, and go with you to Rome in a delirium of ecstasy!! And all you can think of is keeping your clothes neatly folded???

SS: Well, how about if, before you rip the clothes off me, say, I change into my old clothes?

GK: Why can't you let go and live????I'm going to take you to heights of ecstasy----- Marlys!

SS: I know and I appreciate the thought, but what about my cats??

GK: Your cats???

SS: I'm not going to Rome without my cats.

GK: I want to take you to heights of ecstasy and you have to bring pets??

SS: Why couldn't we instead of Rome just go to Granite Falls?

GK: Marlys, there are no heights of ecstasy in Granite Falls, people don't rip their clothes off-----

SS: How do you know? Have you ever tried?

GK: I offer you Rome and you want Granite Falls instead???

SS: Why not just give it a try?


TR: THE SECRET LIFE OF LUTHERANS, was brought to you by the Federated Fuel Oil Dealers of Western Minnesota. Instead of ecstasy, how about warmth?