BG: I'm a mess. My boyfriend never calls or texts. I wonder if he isn't just sticking around until someone better comes along? I think he wishes I were more interested in software programming. I can tell, the way he looks at me. Meanwhile, I wake up at night wondering if I use too much makeup. I feel like people are talking about it. "Why the mascara and the eye shadow? Does Cecilia have a self-esteem problem?" I hate the name Cecilia. It's so wimpy. I wish it were Bret. I wish I could move to California and become Bret. But I can't. I'm in debt and I feel like I'm about to lose my job. My supervisor has been looking at me in this odd sort of scrutinizing way, as if she's getting ready to make a big announcement. In June I'll be 27 years old. Probably unemployed, homeless, with no boyfriend, and stuck with the name Cecilia. What if I died like that? Who would speak at the memorial service? And what would they say? That they liked my mascara and eye shadow?

TR: If you suffer from anxiety, before you go down the pharmaceutical route, why not try upping your daily dosage of ketchup? Ketchup is made from tomatoes and tomatoes contain natural mellowing agents that give you a little better perspective on things.

BG: Are you sure, Dr. Kendall?

TR: Trust me, Cecilia. I'm a doctor. I know many many words that you don't. Such as Chamofluroquine. And dextrapansothrine. Also threxomethohexanate. Hemomodulated estrofibular thronozine.

BG: But what are they?

TR: They're natural mellowing agents. And they're all found in ketchup.


These are the good times,

So pull back on the throttle.

Live your life fully,

Don't hesitate or dawdle.

Have some ketchup,

It's sunlight in a bottle.

GK: Ketchup, for the good times.

RD (SINGS): Ketchup, ketchup.