(GK: Garrison Keillor; SS: Sue Scott: TR: Tim Russell, TK:Tom Keith; RD: Rich Dworsky)
GK: ... brought to you by the American Non-Dairy Whitening Association, which reminds you, there's a world of flavor in non-dairy whiteners.
(MUSIC)
TR: Good coffee, honey. And the eggplant flavoring was fantastic. I can't wait to try the bacon & gorgonzola bisque.
SS: They're all part of our Non-Dairy Family Treasure Chest, Don. Six-hundred different whiteners. A world of flavor. Look at this: blackened Cajun whitener. Tomato marshmallow. And haggis hazelnut.
TR: It's like a trip around the world --- in your own kitchen.
SS: And it's so convenient. Half and half goes sour. And it's fattening. And half and half doesn't contain the polysorbate 60 and guar gum that non-dairy whiteners do.
TR: Is that important?
SS: Why take chances? And non-dairy whitener keeps for up to ten years in the cupboard. And when you add water, it makes a swell epoxy glue.
TR: Maybe I'll have a second cup of coffee so I can try the Saffron Catawba. Or the Herring Cheddar Carbonnade.
SS: Don't forget the Banana Bearnaise.
GK: There's a world of flavor in non-dairy whiteners. Save your labels and turn them in to the grocer for big discounts on Ingemar's Frozen Bagels, now in Pineapple, Paprika, or Persimmon. (MUSIC BUTTON)
(c) Garrison Keillor 2002