GK: ....after a message from PSA.... ...How should a man propose marriage to a woman? Should he do it at a major sporting event? (BALLPARK ORGAN STRIKES UP "WEDDING MARCH"
SS: Oh my gosh-is that me? Chad, why is my face on the JumboTron?
TR (P.A. ANNOUNCER): Julie Johnson in section 104, row 34, seat 9, Chad in seat 10 asks: Will you marry me? (HUGE CHEERS).
SS (HISSING): Chad, how could you? This is so bad. So humiliating!
TR (P.A. ANNC): What's your answer, Julie? (CHEERS, OFF)
(PAUSE)
SS: NO! (FN ECHO REVERBERATING AROUND STADIUM)
GK: How about at a restaurant?
SS: Wow, that is a giant burrito.
FN: All for you, babes.
SS: What did you get?
FN: Fajitas.
SS: I don't know if I can finish that whole thing. (FOOTSTEPS APPROACH) Oh no, it's the guitar guy. Why is he coming over here?
TR (SINGS):
Para bailar la bamba
Para bailar la bamba se necesita una poca de gracia
Will you marry me, Julie? I love you, Chad. arriba y arriba
Y arriba y arriba.
FN: Did you hear what he said?
SS: Um, yeah. I'm gonna have to think about this.
GK: Or can you propose to someone simply by texting them?
(TYPING)
TR: What. R. U Doing 2nite?
(TYPING)
SS: Nothing. U?
TR: Will u Marry me?
SS: What??! Frowney face frowney face!
GK: Or should one try the traditional approach?
TR: For Julie's hand, Mr. Weinbrenner, I offer you fifty head of sheep (SFX), fourteen cattle (SFX), and this thoroughbred horse (SFX). Plus this bag full of shekels. (THUMP)
FN: You are a good boy, Chad.
TR: Plus this prize bull (SFX), this slave girl (SS FOREIGN CHATTER, JINGLE OF EARRINGS), these two camels (SFX), and a third baseman to be named later.
FN: You are a good boy. Go. Be happy.
GK: See? It's the traditional way that gets the girl. If you're in love with someone, never underestimate the influence of the father. Lavish gifts, feasting (FN: Bring in the roasted goat!), extravagant praise (FN: Oh Worshipful Master and Serene Presence, I your unworthy servant kneel humbly at your feet and do beseech you for the honor of marriage to your daughter Julie.), (SHEEP). The way to win the hand of a girl is to ask the man who she loves more than she'll ever love you. A message from P.S.A., the Paternal Society of America.