GK: We're in San Francisco home of Google, Facebook, Apple, Twitter, those companies you wish you'd bought stock in instead of investing in United typewriter ribbon (SFX), bookstores, radio, that chicken ranch (SFX). San Francisco, a major seaport where ocean-going ships make their way through the fog (SFX) under the Golden Gate Bridge. And people familiar with the vernacular of shipping can recognize Japanese freighters (ASIAN TONE, HORN) and tell them from English ships (SFX) and French (SFX) and American (BLUES NOTE, BENT). Great humpback whales pass by on their way to breed and again it's possible to tell Asian whales (SFX) from American (SFX). The coast is home to colonies of seals (SFX), which one should never confuse with walruses (SFX). This is a walrus (SFX). This is a seal (SFX). Though sometime the creatures themselves become confused ---- species confusion ---- but in San Francisco, this is not a problem. It's the city of women with powerful thighs....from climbing up and down steep hills.....especially going down. You never want to leg wrestle with a San Francisco woman, she will flip you over easily and she will think nothing of it.


GK: The cable cars are exciting to ride and also a wonderful way to meet other people from the Midwest. Here comes one now. (GONG GOING BY)

It's a wonderful place for tourists because we know San Francisco from disaster movies, always involving earthquakes (SFX) and the destruction of the Golden Gate Bridge (CREAKING, METAL SNAPPING, CRIES OF ALARM ---- OH MY GOD IT'S FALLING ----- BIG CRUNCH AND SPLASH, MORE CRUNCHES) ---- in the movie It Came From Beneath The Sea----- the bridge was destroyed by a giant octopus (SFX, SCREAMING, SLITHER, SQUORTS OF SUCTION CUPS, CREAK AND CRASH). In one movie an enormous killer shark lunges up out of the bay and bites the bridge in half (SFX). And in another movie it was destroyed by sunshine. (CHOPPER, TR ON RADIO: Oh my god. Oh my god. It's falling.) So if you visit the city and there isn't an earthquake and the Bridge doesn't fall, your vacation is a success.

Minnesota is where a major bridge actually did fall, but it wasn't in a movie so nobody noticed.


GK: Nob Hill is one of the seven hills of San Francisco, and it's so steep that they installed knobs on the sidewalk so you can get a good grip as you go up. (FN SFX: No need to join a health club if you live on the hill. Every other street is a free StairMaster.)


GK: The Palace of the Legion of Honor in Lincoln Park is a stately building where, every spring, San Franciscans who have done good things come to be honored (FANFARE) ---- children who get good grades ("GOOD JOB, LINDSAY" "Thank you"), lifeguards who have saved lives ("HELP, HELP" ----DIVE, SWIM), the river otter who took up residence on the shore (OTTER), the city's top baristas (ESPRESSO), the leading tenor from the opera company (TR TENOR), Michael Tilson Thomas (BIG PIANO CHORDS) ---- they all come to be honored with a cannon fusillade (SFX), and a flyover by the Blue Angels (SFX), and a swimby by a formation of humpback whales (SFX), American whales. And walruses. (SFX) Not seals, walruses. (SFX) That was a seal.

FN (WALRUS): I am a seal in transition.

GK: Okay, okay.