GK: There was a story last week in the St. Paul Pioneer Press saying that Prescott, Wisconsin had broken the record for World's Biggest Sausage with a 52-foot bratwurst and then the paper got a deluge of emails and phone calls from Dallas, Wisconsin, about their 135-foot weiner and there was a fierce back and forth about whether that should count since Prescott had a bun for their sausage and Dallas did not.
It gave a person hope for the newspaper business: if you print what people are really interested they will want to read it. Syria, no; economics, no no no; wieners, yes.
Walker Art Center in Minneapolis, once the home of the avant-garde back when there was one, in their permanent collection you find Jasper Johns, Hopper Warhol, Chuck Close, Giacomette, and so on ---- but one night this summer they drew 10,000 people to a Cat Video Festival ---- people's videos of their cats ---- what lessons do we draw from this?
GK: Out on the street in front of the theater right now is a truck with a tank on the flatbed, a tank containing 3000 gallons of tapioca pudding, and standing on the roof of the theater about to dive into the tank is a naked woman holding a chimpanzee. (CHIMP)
SS: I'm actually wearing a bathrobe.
GK: Okay but you will be naked when you dive, right? (PAUSE)
TR: Yes, she will be.
GK: You are her manager?
TR: That is correct.
GK: Okay. You're not going to take the chimp with you, are you?
SS: I am, yes. She'll be fine.
GK: Okay, but it's a long way down.
SS: We've done this many times before.
TR: There's just one thing ---- you paid us $500 for the dive, but we need an additional $100 for the chimp and $500 for the nudity.
GK: I thought we had a deal.
TR: The deal was that she dives into the pudding, but the others are add-ons.
GK: Another $500? I wish you'd brought this up before.
TR: You didn't ask. And we didn't know it was tapioca.
SS: I have a food allergy.
TR: It gives her hives, so right after she dives, we have to drive her to a hospital for five cc's of Alivatrol.
GK: Which hospital?
TR: St. Ives.
GK: So 500 for the dive----
TR: Plus 500 for loss of privacy. And 100 for Ivan.
GK: The chimp. Okay, it's a deal, $1100.
TR: We'd like that in cash or a cashier's check.
GK: Okay----- Dan!!!!
DR: Yeah?
GK: You up there on the roof?
DR: Yeah----
GK: You got $1100 bucks on you?
DR: Yeah----
GK: Give it to the lady in the bathrobe----
DR: Okay.
TR: Here, I'll take it.
DR: He said the lady in the bathrobe.
TR: I'm her manager.
DR: Sorry, I'm supposed to----- wow.
GK: What is it?
DR: You want me to give it to the naked lady?
GK: I'm sorry, what?
TR: I'll take that.
DR: No, you won't. (STRUGGLE) (DR LONG FALLING CRY, ENORMOUS SPLORT)
GK: Dan?
TR: He fell in the pudding.
GK: You got the money?
TR: No. He's got it.
GK: So she's not going to jump----
TR: He's down there.
GK: Okay. Never mind. Forget the whole thing. (BAND PLAY OFF)