(WESTERN THEME)
GK: My name is Lefty and I'm here at Tanglewood to lead a seminar in spitting, shootin, and roping. Useful skills for any musician. Spitting is a natural way of releasing tension. (HE HAWKS, SPITS, DISTANT DING). Kids today do not realize the value of heartfelt, accurate spitting. (HE HAWKS, SPITS, PAUSE, DISTANT DING) ----Helps clear your head. And after you have messed up and made a fool of yourself and everybody knows it, it makes you feel better to go out in the woods and (THREE GUNSHOTS) let off some steam. Roping also has psychological and spiritual benefits: a lasso is not just a lasso, it is a meditative tool that helps center you (START TWIRLING) and raise you to a higher plane of consciousness and form a circle of energy that comes up from the earth and through your fingertips and into the lasso, I call it a spirit string, and then you drop that lasso over someone you wish to make a spiritual connection with. Like this----- (TWIRL STOPS, ROPE DROPS)
HM: OH. My goodness. That's what I call good roping.
GK: Thank you, ma'am.
HM: When that lasso dropped over my head and tightened around my waist, I felt a strong attachment to you, Mr. Cowboy Man.
GK: Likewise, tall good-looking woman.
HM: I go for a man who shows some initiative and doesn't just stand back and ogle a girl. A man what'll step right up and choose her with his rope. A man who is looking for a strong woman, a real woman, a woman who can spit with accuracy (SHE HAWKS, SPITS, VERY DISTANT DING) and who knows how to use a six-gun (SIX QUICK SHOTS, SIX GLASS BOTTLES BROKEN) and a woman who can (TWIRLING ROPE) latch onto a man she's taken a shine to.
GK: That's all good, girly-girl. Just one more thing a cowboy requires of a woman.
HM: Oh? What's that?
GK: A man needs a woman who can hold her own in a passionate duet and even when she is mesmerized by the erotic appeal of his adam's apple and the heat in his pale green eyes, she can stay with him, note for note, word for word, even when her heart is pounding like it wants to get out.
HM: I'll give it a whirl.
(STRUMS)
GK & HM:
What'll I do
When you are far away
Out in L.A.
What can I say?
What'll I do?
When I see you go to
A barbecue
With Tom Cruise?
What'll I do if I knew the two of you
Flew off to Peru?
When I'm alone
In Malibu-hoo-hoo
And you're untrue
What'll I do?
GK:
Do you remember that day in L.A.
When we kissed in a romantic mist
Now it appears you have wandered away
And become a Scientologist.
GK & HM:
What can I say
When I'm in San Jose
Fading away
Cafe au lait.
What can I say
When I get tooth decay
My hair turns grey
On my birthday?
Who can I sue to get some revenue
To pay for my toupee?
What can I say
When I'm in the U.S.A.
And you're in Peru
What else is new?