GK: It's spring, it's beautiful out, blue sky, warm, you get up Saturday morning and look around the house and your kids are sitting at the computer (CLICKING) and watching TV (AUDIO) and listening to their iPods and you say----
HEY, LET'S GO OUTDOORS.
(CHILDREN GROANING, WHINING)
GK: C'MON, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY OUT.
(CHILDREN GROANING)
GK: It's me, your old Dad, former Explorer Scout, with a chestful of merit badges in outdoorsmanship and trailblazing ---- let's go ---- let's hit the trail (TARZAN CALL) ----- LET'S GO, KIDS. STAY TOGETHER. (BUGLE CALL)
GK: (SING):
Be prepared, be prepared
When danger rears its head, we're not scared.
We don't shiver we don't shake
Cross the river, swim the lake.
We are Scouts, there's no doubt, we're prepared.
GK: (MARCHING FEET) And through the neighborhood you go (HI THERE......HOW'S IT GOING.....BEAUTIFUL DAY.....NICE LAWN) and you come to Minnehaha Creek and ----- THIS WAY, KIDS, THERE'S A PATH ----- then suddenly there isn't a path (KID ALARM), you don't seem to be in south Minneapolis anymore. (JUNGLE BIRDS, PRIMATES) It's overgrown with strange vegetation. In the underbrush you hear voices speaking an unfamiliar tongue. (JUNGLE GIBBERISH) THIS WAY, KIDS. STAY CLOSE TO DAD. But your heart is pounding (HEARTBEAT) and WHY HAVE I DONE THIS? LEADING MY CHILDREN INTO DANGER? And all you have to defend them is a little piece of rope and your knowledge of knots, like the bowline hitch.
There are snakes in the rocks (SFX) and bears in the caves (SFX) and cougars up in the trees (SFX) and there are demented geezers wandering around (TR GEEZER) and singer songwriters (SS SINGS: Why----- why------ why do you treat me this way? Why----- why----- ) and people running Ponzi schemes (TR: Ten percent annual return. Trust me. Why would I lie to you?) ---- and there are vicious dogs (SFX) and there are terrorists (TR ARAB: I want you to carry this aboard the plane, mister. Please.) and all you have is your rope and the ability to tie a bowline hitch ----- there are killer bees (SFX) and giant fruit bats (SFX) and worst of all, people who want to marry your children ----- (TR: Hey babes. Lookin good. What do you say?) -----
GK: People from California who are out to seduce your children, your children who were going to look after you in your old age, until these Californians came along (SS: Wow. Cool. Totally. I can't wait. You're going to love it.)
and now your children whom you love are going to move to California, your children who you've been through some rough years with and now they're in their early thirties and you're starting to be friends with them and these seducers come along----- SS: (SINGS)
Fly me to the moon
And let me play my mandolin
Let me see what spring is like
In Berkeley and Marin.
GK: Not a problem----- if you've got a rope and know how to tie a bowline hitch.
SS (SINGS, STRANGLING):
In other words, hold my hand
In other words, baby-----
GK: Your old Scoutmaster Mr. Butts, bless his heart, tried to teach you how to start a fire using two sticks and a piece of twine (SFX) (TR: See how this works, fellas?) And he tried to teach you animal tracks ----- (TR: Here's your raccoon here......here's your black bear......here's your boa constrictor) And he tried to teach you artificial respiration ---- (TR: Just put your mouth right over his mouth, Bobby, don't be afraid.....) He tried to teach you about fire hazards (TR: Oily rags right there next to the old extension cord with the exposed wires----- see that?) He tried to teach you semaphore code using two flags...
(TR: Okay, watch carefully as I spell out the word
ASSISTANCE URGENTLY NEEDED) (FLAGS FLUTTER FOR EACH LETTER) A-S-S-I-S-T-A.....) And you've forgotten all of it. Except for the bowline hitch. (TR: See here, fellas? The rabbit comes out of the hole and around the tree and down in the hole. That's your bowline hitch) And you've remembered it all these years. And now, when you need to keep someone close to you who is trying to get away (SS: DAD. PLEASE. GOOD GRIEF.) you've got the bowline hitch.
ALL SING:
Be prepared, be prepared
When danger rears its head, we're not scared.
We don't shake and we don't twitch
Cause we know the bowline hitch.
We are Scouts, there's no doubt, we're prepared.