GK: Our next guest has come a long way to be with us. (TR OFF: HO HO HO HO HO. JINGLE) And it's a pleasure to welcome him at this very busy time of year for him, I'm sure. (TR OFF: HO HO HO HO HO. JINGLE) As he comes up through the audience here at the Town Hall and patting boys and girls on the heads and spreading his good cheer (TR OFF: HO HO HO HO HO. JINGLE). And we're going to bring him right up here on stage? Watch out for that step, Santa. It's a little (CRUNCH. TR CRY OF PAIN. OHHHH OHHHH OHHHH OHHH.)
GK: You okay, Santa? You're all crunched up. I tried to warn you about that step there.
TR (SANTA): Ohhhhh. My back. Ow ! My god, the pain.
GK: Would you like to sit down?
TR (SANTA): I can't sit. Holy balls of holly it hurts.
GK: Oh boy. You were going to come on and deliver a message of Christmas cheer.
TR (SANTA): Yeah that's not happening.
GK: I'm so sorry about that step.
TR (SANTA): I'm going to have to go sit in a hot bath.
GK: Couldn't you just laugh your famous laugh for the boys and girls out there? They were counting on it.
TR (SANTA): Ohhhh, it hurts when I laugh-----
GK: Here's a gentleman coming up from the audience-----
FN (OFF): Hi. I'm a chiropractor. The name's Chip. Chip Magnuson.
GK: Come on up, Dr. Magnuson.
TR (OFF): I don't know. (FOOTSTEPS) You're really a chiropractor?
FN: Wow. I had no idea I was going to get to make adjustments on Santa.
GK: He needs help.
FN: Would you mind taking a picture of me and Santa? Okay, Santa?
TR (SANTA): Oh boy. Just hurry up.
FN: Would you mind? Here. Just aim and shoot.
GK: Okay. This the shutter here?
FN: No. It's the switch in front. ---- Okay. Mind if I scootch up close here? Okay?
TR (SANTA): Just do it and get it over with.
FN: You get it?
GK: I don't know. The flash didn't go off.
TR (SANTA): Hurry up. I'm dying here.
FN: You have to click that little clicker in back to turn the flash on.
GK: Okay. Smile, Santa.
TR (SANTA): Smile!!!!???? I'm calling my lawyer.
GK: Try to smile. (CLICK) There. Got it.
FN: I'm just going to come around from behind here, and get you in a big bear hug, okay? (LIGHT JINGLING)
TR (SANTA): Ow.
FN: And when I count to three, you're going to let all your air out, and I'm going to twist you like a pretzel. That okay with you?
TR (SANTA): Just do it.
FN: Ready? Here we go. One--Two--
TR (SANTA): God have mercy.
FN: Three! (HUGE CRACKING BACK ADJUSTMENT)
TR (SANTA): AaaaaaaaahhhhhHHHO HO HO HO HO! (BIG JINGLING) HO HO HO HO HO! HO HO HO HO HO!
GK: Thank you, Dr. Magnuson.
FN: My pleasure. (BAND PLAYOFF)