SS: The Lives of the Cowboys. Out of the American west ride two men ----- strangers to fear and rebels against the forces of conformity ----- living the American dream of freedom and adventure every day---- in the Lives of the Cowboys.
(HORSES TROTTING)
GK: Well, we made it, Dusty. Washington, D.C. Here for the annual Cowboy Folk Festival on the Mall. Two days of roping and riding and spitting and singing, sponsored by the National Endowment for the Arts.
TR: A lot of guys wearing tassels on their loafers. What's the deal there?
GK: It's a lawyer thing. It's how they identify each other. It means don't step on my shoes.
TR: Maybe we should get us some tassels for our boots.
GK: We've got spurs. Spurs work better. But we're a vanishing breed, Dusty. The American cowboy. The last of the true independents. Who believe in being your own man.
TR: You mean, being your own person.
GK: Whatever.
TR: Who's this coming?
GK: Men in suits and women too. Lots of tassels. Must be important people.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)
RB: Howdy, I'm Congressman Roy Blount. New York.
GK: You don't sound like New York?
RB: I was a Congressman from Georgia but they redistricted me out of Georgia and up to the Upper West Side of New York City.
GK: A Republican from Georgia getting elected from Manhattan.
RB: My opponent was caught on video coming out against human rights violations in China.
GK: That doesn't sound like a bad thing.
RB: I had the video edited so he came out against serving hunan rice in takeout cartons. Only on good china. (FOOTSTEPS) ---- Ah. Like you to meet a fellow Republican---- Congresswoman Michelle Bachman, Minnesota.
SS (MICHELLE): Hi there. I see by your outfit that you are a cowboy.
GK: Yes, ma'am.
SS (MICHELLE): Where's your horse?
GK: Tied him up to a statue of Sam Rayburn.
SS (MICHELLE): Real good. Well, it's good to have someone here who isn't anti-American, that's all I can say. And who could be more American than a cowboy. If we could just have more cowboys and NASCAR drivers, this would be the country our forefathers dreamed of when they outlawed slavery and (FOOTSTEPS)-----
RB: Oh and here's the boss man. Speaker of the House John Boehner. (TRUMPET FANFARE)
TR (BOEHNER): Okay, who in the hell are you and what do you want?
GK: I'm an American cowboy, sir, part of a vanishing breed, and we're here------
SS (MICHELLE): -----just like hard-working American families up against the Washington elites and the Chinese who are taking over this country. Chinese came over and bombed Pearl Harbor and now they are buying up our Treasury bonds and they're beating our daughters at figure skating and they're passing secret messages inside of cookies. And the sad thing is we're letting them!
RB: What do the Chinese have to do with the American cowboy?
SS (MICHELLE): That's what I am going to find out. And when I do, I'll let you know. (FOOTSTEPS OFF, AND DOOR CLOSE)
TR (BOEHNER): So what do you want us to do for you, sir?
GK: Well, cowboys earn so little that tax cuts don't really work for us. So maybe you could pay some sort of bonus or subsidy for horse manure.
TR (BOEHNER): As a member of Congress, I know a lot about horse manure. Also chicken manure and sheep dip.
GK: I wrote a song about that, sir. (GUITAR STARTS)
I hear that election coming
Coming round the bend
Could you contribute money
Could you be my Facebook friend
I'm stuck here in Congress
In Washington D.C.
And I really need your help now
Won't you please help me.
I know you're probably busy shopping
All the stuff that's on your list
Or else you're having treatments
With your aromatherapist
I'm stuck here in Congress
Gotta get the money pumpin
I could really use your help now
Won't you help this old incumbent.
TR (BOEHNER): (STARTS TO CRY) You're breaking my heart. That is so sad.
(BRIDGE)
GK: He was moved and he increased the appropriation for the National Endowment for the Arts to do a Cowboy Folk Festival every year and to pay a horse manure bonus and so it was a good trip to Washington. Let's ride, Dusty. (WHOOPS, HORSE GALLOPS)
SS: The Lives of the Cowboys. Tall men against the big sky..... living the American dream of freedom and adventure every day---- in the Lives of the Cowboys.