GK: ...after a word from the Ketchup Advisory Board.
TR: These are the good years for Barb and me. I bought a flame-retardant hammock at the mall, mostly because it came with a free shoeshine kit, but I hung up the hammock and was lying in it and waiting for a guy to call me who might be hiring people for a startup website called Normal People Saying Nice Things. And then Barb came outside holding a map of Washington State, all excited.
SS: Jim--have you ever been to Spokane?
TR: No. Why?
SS: I want to take a bike trip this summer. Seattle to Spokane. Over the Cascades. What do you say?
TR: You want to bike up mountains?
SS: You also get to go down the mountains.
TR: Sure, and go 65 miles an hour and skid and go into the ditch and hit your head on a rock and spend the next three years trying to learn how to talk again.
SS: You don't talk that much now, so why worry about it?
TR: Barb--I thought we agreed to stay home this summer-
SS: Jim, why not get out? Live life? Extend ourselves? Meet a challenge?
TR: I like our house, Barb. It took us years to get it all arranged and now I know where everything is. Why leave it? We have a stationary bike. And a TV. We can get a video of mountains.
SS: Oh Jim. Pretty soon we'll be too old to make a big bike trip. If we don't do this now, we'll never do it.
TR: What about bears, Barb? Big grizzlies who knock you off your bike and chew on you? Horseflies. Feral dogs. Sunburn leading to skin cancer. Weird rural people who think you're the Antichrist?
SS: That's Idaho. I'm talking about Washington. Jim, we can do this. We're still young enough. And when we get to Spokane, think of how good we'll feel. The sense of accomplishment.
TR: Which hospital will I be going to?
SS: It's something we'll remember for the rest of our lives.
TR: So is gum surgery.
SS: I met a guy at the library who's going to be making that trip this summer. He invited us to come with us. He said it's great. His name is Josh. He's a real bicyclist. He asked if we needed to stay in motels or could we do with air mattresses and a pup tent. I told him motels, but if you're not coming, then I suppose a pup tent would be fine. For just Josh and me.
TR: Barb, I wonder if you're getting enough ketchup.
SS: Ketchup, Jim?
TR: Ketchup contains natural mellowing agents that help you remember that you don't have to take every opportunity to suffer that comes along. You can enjoy being comfortable. Come here. Let's get comfortable.
SS: Oh Jim-----
RD (SINGS)
These are the good times, tank tops and bikinis
Life is a comedy, an opera of Rossini's
Life is flowing
Like ketchup on your weenies.
GK: Ketchup, for the good times.
RD: Ketchup, ketchup.