GK: Memorial Day is the day when back in Minnesota we open up our old family lake cabin for the season. Which means cutting up the pine tree that fell across the driveway (CHAINSAW) and mowing tall grass (MOWER) and cutting the weeds along the driveway (SFX) and getting the neighbors to help you put in the dock (MEN TALK, CREAK, WADING IN COLD WATER) and the water is cold (SHUDDER) and those pipes never go in the couplings (BANGING) and you step barefoot on a sharp rock (CRY OF PAIN) and you limp back up the hill and you clear out the bats from the cabin (BATS) and get the pump primed (SFX) and replace a couple of screens (SAWING, HAMMERING) and you sit down for a nice cold beer at the end of the day (POP TOP, POUR) and two beers later you head to the outhouse and (SNIFFS) there's a dead animal in there (SQUEAKY DOOR OPEN) unless maybe Uncle Walt let a couple --- nope, it's a raccoon ---- dead ---- you've got to haul him out on a shovel (SFX) and that's when your wife decides to speak to you.
SS: Darling?
TR: Yes?
SS: I know how much you love the cabin. I know that it's been in your family for three generations and that every square foot of it is sacred. I know that. But do you remember our trip to Paris on our anniversary? When we walked and walked and held hands and kissed in public places and there was no grass to mow and at the hotel there was a bathroom with no dead raccoon in it?
TR: Yeah.
SS: And you and I, we sat and conversed ---- for
hours at a time? Remember? we conversed?
TR: Yeah?
SS: Darling, I believe that your parents, may they rest in
peace, wanted us to be happy, Harold and Esther didn't expect us to dedicate our lives to maintaining a family museum on Lake
Piscacadawadaquoddymoggin, did they? of course not.
TR: What are you saying, Jennifer?
SS: Let's sell the cabin and invest the money and spend the earnings on a summer vacation that's actually fun.
TR: Jennifer--- I've been coming to Lake Piscacadawadaquoddymoggin since I was a kid. Lake Piscacadawadaquoddymoggin is my life. When you married me, you married Lake Piscacadawadaquoddymoggin. It's part of the deal.
SS: So you're saying that Lake Piscacadawadaquoddymoggin and you are synonymous?
TR: It's who I am. I am a Piscacadawadaquoddymogginite.
SS: Okay. Fair enough. Then I am leaving and going to Paris tonight, darling. I'd like you to meet Philippe Renoir. (TR FRENCH) I know it's a shock. We've been married for thirty-seven years. But I have a right to happiness.
TR: You're leaving with him? This gigolo with the greasy hair and the pretty boy lips?
SS: I am. I believe that happiness is in the Present, Bob. Not in the past.
TR: Huh.
SS: I believe in free will.
TR: Huh.
SS: We long for what is in the past and we dread what is in the future and we have the freedom to enjoy what is in the present. I believe that.
TR: Huh.
SS: Sell the cabin.
TR: I can't.
SS: Then I'm out of here. Bye. Come, Phillipe. (TR FRENCH MURMURS, FOOTSTEPS AWAY. SPORTSCAR STARTS. REVS. DRIVES AWAY)
TR (TO HIMSELF): Man. She walked away. Just like that. Hard to believe. Well, I better get back to the cabin. (OLD CAR STARTS, DRIVES THROUGH GRINDING GEARS) The sky is dark. It feels like a storm coming on. (THUNDER, LIGHTNING)
GK: And you come up the long driveway and a bolt of lightning hits the big pine tree that your dad planted (LIGHTNING, TREE CRACKING, FALLING) and it falls (FALLING) and it just misses your car and it hits the cabin (CRASH, CRUNCH) and ignites the LP tank (EXPLOSION) and the place goes up in flames (BURST) and it's gone in two minutes, burned to the ground (FOOTSTEPS CRUNCHING) and you walk around the ashes of your heritage, your beloved cabin, nothing left of it, nothing. Your neighbor comes over.
FN: Hey. Quite a fire, dude.
(PAUSE)
TR: Yeah.
FN: Lucky for you you weren't in there, huh.
(PAUSE)
TR: Yeah.
FN: How's your wife? She okay?
(PAUSE)
TR: I guess she is.
FN: You want to come in?
TR: Come in your cabin?
FN: Yeah. Want a beer or something?
TR: No thanks.
FN: Okay, dude. Well, good luck.
TR: Thanks.
(FOOTSTEPS)
GK: You walk down to the lake and look out across the moonlight and two loons are swimming out there (LOONS IN DISTANCE) and you can hear your mother's voice.
IS (SINGS):
Here where the waters wash against the dock,
We sit in the moonlight and softly talk
It is like music, our family talkin'
By Lake Pisca-cada-wada-quoddy-moggin.
GK: Your mother once told you that when the moon makes a path on the water, you can follow the path with your eye and if a fish jumps, you make a wish.
IS (SINGS):
If there's something you want a lot, a
Wish upon Lake Piscacadawada-
Quoddymoggin can come true
When the moon is shining through.
TR: I wish that she would come back to me. That's all. I just want her back. (DISTANT LOONS)
(SPORTSCAR COMES DOWN DRIVEWAY, STOPS HARD)
(TR ANGRY FRENCH, OFF)
(DOOR SLAM. CAR TURNS AROUND, FORWARD, BACK, FORWARD, BACK, PULLS AWAY)
(FOOTSTEPS)
SS: Bob?
TR: Down here by the lake.
SS: What happened to the cabin?
TR: I burned it down for the insurance money.
SS: Oh.
TR: Where's your French boyfriend?
SS: I told him to get lost.
TR: Oh.
SS: Looks like we lost everything.
TR: Didn't lose anything. Still have each other. Let's go.
SS: Go where?
TR: Paris.
SS: You mean it?
TR: Hey. Why not?
(GLORY OF LOVE)