GK: ... brought to you by the Ketchup Advisory Board.


TR: These are the good years for Barb and me. Our neighbor's dog who used to bark and bark late at night suffered a stroke and had to go to a nursing home. We discovered that the balsamic vinegar we've been using causes heightened libido and so we've saved a lot on heating and electricity. And the Senate confirmed Ben Bernanke as chairman of the Federal Reserve so that took a load off our minds. Then one night I found Barb weeping over the business section of the newspaper. -- Honey, what's wrong?

SS: (SNIFFLES) Oh, Jim. I'm just worried. Ever since your boss asked you to clean up your desk and you threw everything in a box and walked out, I just wonder if we're going to wind up living in a little cardboard house down in Arizona and scrounging in dumpsters.

TR: Barb, Ben Bernanke is on the job. He's going to build our retirement fund back to where it used to be and I'll get a job again and things will be like they used to be except our expectations will be lower and so it'll seem even better than it did back when things were great.

SS: But what about long-term care? What if we wind up in a nursing home where they put sedatives in your breakfast cereal and you sit all day watching TV with your chin on your chest?

TR: Oh, don't worry. I'm sure the economy will come roaring back and Congress will discover the beauty of bipartisanship and meanwhile we have our investment in the American Condiment Corporation. Ketchup. It has natural mellowing agents that suppress wild impulses and smoothe out some of the turbulence of life.

SS: Oh, Jim.

TR: What do you say we pour us a big spoonful of ketchup right now ...


These are hard times, but trouble makes us stronger
Springtime is coming, we'll sing and dance the conga
Life flows like ketchup on your chimichanga ...

GK: Ketchup. For the good times.

RD: Ketchup ... Ketchup ...