I'm the only living house dad in Eau Claire
Men who care for children -- we are rare
It may be common in San Francisco or San Luis Obispo
But not there -- in Eau Claire.

I'm the only living house dad in Eau Claire.
My wife is a dentist, I'm the au pair
I'm a swan in a herd of ducks and it's odd
There's dozens of Sarahs and Megans and just one Todd

I bundle up Moira and Kate
And take them to ballet which is great
And I sit and read a book in the hall
And mothers do not talk to me at all.

They sit down at their end and I at mine
And they glance my way from time to time
And those little glances really hurt:
I can see that they are thinking: per-vert.

They are thinking: he gets some weird thrill
Out of sliding on toboggans down a hill.
He is in some perverted psychosis:
He gets off by blowing children's noses.

To find another house dad -- that's my goal.
To sit and talk of vaccinations and the Super Bowl.
But two house dads -- I know what moms would say,
They'd look at us and think, They're gay.
Gay-- gay.


San Francisco would be a nice location.
I could join a House Dads Association.
There'd be hundreds of us at Cirque du Soleil
Making play dates from here to San Jose

Talking about teeth and nutrition
And what is that great museum down in the Mission
Talking about birthdays and where to find magicians
Exchanging the names of pediatricians

But I'm a writer and writers are lonely, we just are
And oddness is the basis of every memoir
And I'm working on a memoir and it's almost there
It's called The Only Living House Dad in Eau Claire.