GK: I was in London last week where there is a revolt against Parliament and I've come back with some news for Washington, and that is: look out for the voters. They are not your friends. They are liable to bite you in the butt when you least expect it.
In the U.K., (MUMBLING, GRUMBLING, RISING DISCONTENT) the voters got upset over news that Members of Parliament were using taxpayer money to pay personal expenses such as the cleaning of a moat and the purchase of furniture and repairing a drainage pipe under the tennis court --
TR (BRIT): I would be happy to explain the necessity of repairs to the drainage system at my country home-- (SHOUTS) please allow me to speak in my own defense-- (SHOUTS) put that fish down, sir-- do not hurl that fish at me, sir-- (FISH HURLING, THWOPPING) -- if you'll just let me-- (SPLORTS, SHOUTS)
GK: The voters are not interested in hearing a legalistic defense of what you've done--
TR (BRIT): Let me just point out to my constituency that the payments for the cleaning of my moat were entirely within the guidelines established by the-- (SHOUTS OF ANGER) what are you doing? Put me down. I said put me down-- (LONG FALLING CRY, BIG SPLASH)
GK: And that was why last week in London, the Speaker of the House Michael Martin was led to the chopping block.
TR (BRIT, JOWLY GIBBERISH): It is a far far better thing I do than I have ever done
FN (COCKNEY): That's for sure.
SS (COCKNEY): Awwww just shuddup and put your head down.
FN (COCKNEY): Tie the blindfold around him, the silly bugger.
SS (COCKNEY): Awwww cut off the silly bugger's head.
FN (COCKNEY): Put your head down, ya silly bugger
TR (BRIT, JOWLY): and in hopes that the Parliament can move ahead with the many urgent issues facing us today in this great nation -- (AXE FALLS, SEVERS HEAD......TR JOWLY GIBBERISH CONTINUES FAINTLY)
SS (COCKNEY): Look at that, wouldja. Cut his bleeding head off and his mouth is still moving.
GK: It happened in London this past week and it can happen here. Voters are not your friends. Don't wait until it's too late. Take action now.
(LAWN MOWER)
TR (MCCAIN): My friends, I may be a U.S. Senator but I have never lost the sense of accomplishment I get from mowing my own lawn. I own a number of homes and I take pride in the appearance of each one and my favorite form of relaxation is to cut grass. And now if you'll excuse me, I'll get back to work.
SS (HILLARY): When you are Secretary of State and you happen to be a woman, people write about what you wear. What they don't know is that I washed these clothes myself last night and put them in the dryer (DRYER) and while they were in the dryer, I baked these cookies. Have one. Have two.
TR (ARNOLD): Public transportation is something I've worked hard to improve in my years of public service, and to make sure it does the job, I ride the bus to work every morning (BUS APPROACHES, SLOWS) -- no Hummers for me-- no, sir-- I ride the bus-- and here it comes now, right on time. (AIR DOOR)
GK: In hard economic times, a public official does not want to be seen in public getting out of a limo with a big cigar in your hand. Remember what happened in London.
FN (BRIT): I fully accept that my use of public funds to plant wisteria beside my solarium may appear to be less than legitimate, but let me assure you, my good friends-- (COCKNEY CRIES: CUT OFF HIS HEAD) -- my dear friends-- (OFF WITH HIS HEAD) -- my good and loyal friends-- if I may-- one moment please-- no-- (AXE DESCENDS, DECAPITATION) --
GK: People are watching. People are not in a forgiving mood. People are bitter and vindictive.
TR (OBAMA): I am happy to say that Michelle and I are growing our own food in the Rose Garden.
GK: You're not growing arugula?
TR (OBAMA): No, we are raising potatoes. Potatoes and rutabagas and carrots.
GK: And what about the girls?
TR (OBAMA): The girls are weeding the garden every day and when they're done with that, they come in and dry the dishes.
GK: Good. Glad to hear it. How much did the suit cost?
TR (OBAMA): Hundred bucks, off the rack at WalMart.
GK: Not Nordstroms?
TR (OBAMA): Walmart. Always go to Walmart. Always push my own cart.
GK: Thank you, Mr. President.