GK: It's radio. That's what this is. Radio. (BRISK FOOTSTEPS. COUGAR SNARL, OFF. FOOTSTEPS STOP)

SS: Oh no. A cougar. (SNARL) He's crouching in the limb of the tree directly overhead, his muscles tensing for a leap. (SNARL) In just seconds, he'll be on top of me, his razor claws raking my 108-pound body in this shimmery green dress. But in these high heels, I'm unable to run. (SNARL) And I'm a liberal so he knows I'm unarmed. (SNARL) A moment ago I was an intellectual and a community activist. And now-- I'm just part of a food chain. (SNARL) (DANGER STING)

GK: Radio. It provides the escape you need to forget about your IRA for a while-forget about that cryptic email from your boss about having an "important meeting" Monday at noon. All that's gone when you just turn on the radio. It's thrilling.(DIVE BOMBER, MACHINE GUN) It's dramatic. (SS GHOSTLY: Louis??? Louis???) It's gripping. (SLOW BREATHING). It takes you places you've never been before. (SONAR, SUBMARINE. KLAXON.
TR: Dive, Dive. KLAXON) It's more dramatic than TV because it gets inside your head.


TR (QUIETLY): What we're going to do now is snip the lens off your eyeball with this pair of scissors -- okay? Are you ready? Hold very still now. It'll just be a sort of sharp sting, a burning sensation, and then everything will go completely dark. Okay?

GK: Radio is great entertainment and -- it's completely free. You pay nothing. Okay. Some of you made a token membership contribution during pledge week (SS SOBBING: Please. Call. Now. We're sitting here. Waiting for you. Don't you care? Why aren't you calling?) and for that we thank you, because it enables us to pay our sound effects man Tom Keith because without SFX radio is nothing-(DRIPPING, VOICES WITH REVERB)

SS: It's so dark in this cave, Steve. Water dripping on me. (BATS) And it's full of big bats with huge fangs. (BAT) I don't know why we came here.

TR: Because he's in here Janet. The axe murderer. And I'm not leaving until I find him and bring him to justice.

SS: Would you mind if I wait outside?

TR (REVERB): Don't be afraid. The bats in this cave are completely harmless. They're fruit bats. They won't attack you. (BAT FLIES PAST)

SS: It's not so much about the bats--

TR: They're more afraid of you than you are of them. (BAT FLIES PAST) (SHOTGUN BLAST) Why did you do that? Janet-- (BAT SHRIEKS)

SS: I thought I saw a man--

TR: Now you've enraged the bats-- they're coming after us. Thousands of them. (BAT WINGS) (SHRIEK OF PAIN)

GK: Radio. The entertainment of choice in a recession. Escapism, excitement, romance, courage-and sound effects. (DISTANT SIREN) Giant carnivorous birds (SFX) Caribou. (SFX) Helicopters (SFX) High explosives (SFX) And it's so cheap it's almost free. So turn on your radio now, if it's not already on.

And did I mention? There's music too. On the radio.