GK: Two thousand eight was probably the last year for someone of my generation to run for president -- so Bill Clinton and George W. Bush will be my generation's contributions and now we slip into the shadows of history, a generation devoted to chronic protest that was just a lot of glorified complaining-Did anything ever come of this? Yes, some things came of it. We were able to irritate the majority of the American people to the point where they were happy to elect anyone we were opposed to.
TR (NIXON): I am not a crook.
TR (REAGAN): Well, there you go again.
GK: The word "self-indulgent" seemed to fit us pretty well.
We tried to make ourselves happy by absorbing the energy of the universal --
(CULT MUSIC)
TR (LOW, WHISPERY): Inside of you there is a glowing ember that we call Wahana and outside of you is a nimbus of golden feathers that we call weeni-wahini. And now I want you to feel the warmth of your Wahana. And spread your weeni-wahini. That's right. Good.
GK: But we never were good. We were just greedy. We loved SUVs as much as the next person (GIANT SUV REVS) and all the electronic gizmos (CELLPHONE RING) and big houses (SS: This is the media room and next is the new media room....) which were in gated communities (TR ANNC: Cougar Ridge....let your journey lead you to ....Cougar Ridge.) And there in your media room in your Mediterranean villa on Cougar Ridge, you saw the crowd in Grant Park waiting for a guy who missed out on Woodstock because he was in grade school, and maybe that's one reason Jesse Jackson was crying -- because he's old now -- and he was surrounded by kids texting on their cellphones--
SS (TEXTING): OMG I M Smiley Face R U? OMG OMG OMG.
GK: So we pass the torch to this earnest generation of volunteers and recyclers, more selfless than we, more honest, more awesome, and more total than we, awesomely total, and totally total, and meanwhile in an odd-shaped office in Washington, three boomers are standing around talking.
TR (CLINTON): I wonder if No. 44 is gonna call us up and ask us to help him figure all this out.
TR (BUSH): Heh heh heh. Hasn't called me yet. Maybe he's called Cheney.
TR (CLINTON): Has he called you, Dick?
TR (CHENEY): Nobody calls me. I'm unlisted.
TR (BUSH): He asked me to measure the curtains for him. How do you do that? I never measured curtains before.
TR (CLINTON): I suppose you just get out a tape measure like this-- (TAPE MEASURE PULLS OUT)
TR (BUSH): Bend over, Cheney. (CHENEY MUTTERS) There, just step up on his back so you can reach the top. (CLINTON STEPS UP) There you go. Speaking of curtains, what in the heck am I gonna do in Crawford, Texas, for the next twenty years? Good grief.
TR (CLINTON): You could write a book. I did.
TR (BUSH): A book about what?
TR (CLINTON): A memoir. About your presidency.
TR (BUSH): Why would I want to write about that? Trying to forget that. It was a mess. Sorry I ever ran for office. Wanted to be commissioner of baseball. Gave it to that guy from Milwaukee instead. Guy with the toupee. So what was I supposed to do? (CHORDS OF DYLAN SONG)
(HE SINGS)
Come senators, congressmen
Come say goodbye
I'm goin back to Texas
And look at the sky
I never was smart
And I never knew why
It's not just because
I am agin'
But I'll soon be replaced
By a much younger guy
For the times they are a-changin'.
TR (CLINTON): Didn't know you liked Bob Dylan, Bushy.
TR (CHENEY): Wouldja just measure the curtains, please. Hurry up. My back is killin' me.
TR (CLINTON): (SINGS)
The election is over
With all its artillery
And McCain is not
Exactly a pillar he
Talks like he came
From the distillery
A lousy campaign
He's been wagin'.
And dang it I wish he
Had run against Hillary
But the times they are a-changin'.
TR (CHENEY): Get off my back. Yer killin' me.
TR (BUSH): Come on, sing one, Cheney.
TR (CHENEY): I don't sing. My mouth doesn't open that wide.
TR (MCCAIN): My friends, I believe I heard my name mentioned, so I came by to say hello. And I'd love to sing a verse.
TR (BUSH): Hey, John Boy. Welcome to the White House. How'd you get in?
TR (MCCAIN/SINGS):
I'm sorry my friends
That my campaign was failin'
But the fall of Wall Street
Meant difficult sailin'
And the bail-out
Was not really bailin'
The deck chairs were just
Rearrangin'
But at least I can say
Goodbye Sarah Palin
I'm happy the times are a-changin'.
GK: So one generation -- my generation -- heads for the showers and a new generation comes in to pitch and who can't be a little relieved about that -- I am -- my generation had a lot of sensibility but that's not the same as having common sense. Would you have wanted the Grateful Dead to manage your pension fund? No, you wouldn't have. Do you want Woody Allen to negotiate with the Russians? I don't think so. Time for a new crowd.
(GK SINGS)
Happy days are here again
The world has turned, my dear, again
Time for us to disappear again
Happy days are here again.
Altogether shout it now
The old guys got re-routed now
The room is just too crowded now
It is time for us to go.
The guys in their sixties are gone
To cut brush and mow the lawn
Happy days are here again
We're gone. The coast is clear again
So, Let's hoist a glass of beer again
Happy days are here again.