(WESTERN THEME)
SS: THE LIVES OF THE COWBOYS....brought to you by Trailblazer Table Cloths and Napkins......they're linen but they have lead weights in the hems so they won't blow away. And now, today's exciting adventure.....
(OUTDOOR AMBIENCE, DISTANT CATTLE. CAMPFIRE AT EVENING. HORSES NEARBY)
GK: Getting chilly out there, Dusty. Sure like the fact that we're heading south. Kansas tonight and in a few weeks, Oklahoma.
TR: One of the advantages of being a migratory worker.
GK: Cattle (COWS) seem sorta restless tonight, Dusty. Nervous.
TR: They do, don't they. Maybe they've been listening to the news.
GK: What news is that?
TR: You didn't hear?
GK: Hear what?
TR: Well, if you didn't hear it, then I don't want to tell you. I don't want you to get all jittery and lie awake at night tossing and turning and crying out in your sleep so that I'd have to tie you up and stuff a rag in you.
GK: You mean the news about the economy....
TR: Yessir. I got a feeling things are just about to get very hard.
GK: I suppose it's lucky for us that we always had it hard so hard times aren't all that different from what we're used to.
TR: Yep. You and I never earned enough money to invest it or otherwise we'd be even more broke than if we'd had nothing to start with which in our case we didn't anyway.
GK: I once dreamed of buying a home in Yellow Gulch and settling down with Miss Evelyn Beebalo --
TR: Lucky for you it never happened because if it had, you'd be going through foreclosure now and you and her'd be breaking up which is a lot more painful than if you never were together.
GK: This is a whole new view of life, Dusty.
TR: A whole lot of Americans are going to have to adjust to having nothing and it's going to be harder for them than it is for us who had nothing to start with. I guess we won.
GK: Well, I just regret what this is doing to the President's approval ratings?
TR: What approval ratings?
GK: After he leaves the White House I don't think he's going to get a lot of invitations to give lectures or teach a course at a university. Gonna have to get along on his pension fund.
TR: I'll be glad to see him go. He's giving cowboys a bad name.
GK: Oh, don't be so harsh. The man is doing the best he can. And you have to say this: he knows more about the job now than he did eight years ago.
TR: Ha! I'm thinking, if a man is this incompetent while sober, maybe he ought to take up drinking.
GK: If the economy goes bad, I suppose people'll be eating less beef. You and I may have to find some other line of work.
TR: What's that?
GK: Maybe we could act in the movies. We could be singing cowboys. (STRUM)
TR: You go ahead. Count me out.
GK: What's wrong?
TR: I can see it now-- you'll be the hero who defeats the bad guys and I'd be the sidekick, like Gabby Hayes or Smiley Burnett. You're the one who plays the guitar and marries the rancher's daughter and I sit around guffawing and scratching myself and I get the widow lady.
GK: I wrote me a new song. (STRUMS)
TR: Oh boy, here we go again.
GK (SINGS):
It's a volatile world for love
Some offers come in low and some above
But you know I appreciate all the love you allocate
And the indicators say
You and I will merge someday
If you give your permission
You will be my acquisition
And so I would simply like to state...
I hope I've got some equity in you
And your interest is bound to compound
And accelerate and accrue'though I'm in debt up the wazoo
You are the hottest asset around.
TR: I think it needs more work.
GK: Uh huh. (WIND) What's this?
TR: Looks like tumbleweed.
GK: Tumbleweed with the front page of a newspaper. (PAPER) There. Got it.
TR: What's it say?
GK: Treasury Secretary Says Economy Is Strong, No Recession In Sight.
TR: What's the date?
GK: Three weeks ago.
TR: The situation has changed. (SS CALLING IN DISTANCE) Who's that?
GK: Looks like a woman coming--
SS (OFF): Hello--- ! Where am I?
GK: Where are you? (FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)
SS: Where am I?
GK: You're in Kansas, ma'am.
SS: Kansas!
GK: Manhattan is about thirty miles that way.
SS: It's in Kansas?
GK: Manhattan, Kansas. Home of Kansas State University.
SS: Where's the bright lights then?
GK: That's the other Manhattan. Off that way.
SS: Oh'How many blocks?
GK: Who are you? Where you from?
SS: I don't know. I was just about to ask you.
GK: You forgot your name?
SS: I guess so. I don't know.
TR (SOTTO VOCE): Something's wrong with her, Lefty. I wonder if maybe she ain't some kind of space alien. Maybe her landing craft is around here somewhere.
GK: I don't think so, Dusty. I think it's amnesia. She suffered some kind of shock. --- You hungry, ma'am?
SS: I am.
TR: Got a mess of beans and some pork. Set down by the campfire.
GK: (ASIDE) Look. She's wearing a pin on her jacket.
TR: It's a Gore-Lieberman pin.
GK: Well, there's the shock. It's amnesia.
SS: Manhattan. The name rings a bell. The Upper West Side. Zabar's. Columbus Avenue. The Museum of Natural History.
GK: (ASIDE) See? She's some poor old New York liberal who's been wandering around in a daze for eight years.
SS: Where's the subway?
TR (ASIDE): What're we gonna do with her?
GK: Can't leave her out here in Kansas. She'd go crazy.
TR: Looks like she's halfway there already.
GK: We're just gonna have to look after her, Dusty. Be Good Samaritans. Be kind to her. Support her.
SS: Did you say "Florida"? I remember Florida. They were counting the votes. What happened?
TR (SOTTO VOCE): Careful, Lefty. I don't think she can withstand the shock.
(STRUMS)
GK (SINGS):
It's a wonderful time, in the USA
Economy's booming -- good news today.
The nation's at peace, we stayed out of war
So let's have three cheers for President Gore.
Whoopitiyiyo get along little citizens
President Gore is the man we are for.
SS: Wait! What's this?? Look!!! This newspaper!!!! Oh my gosh!!!!
TR: Take it easy, ma'am. Here-- let me have that.
SS: President Bush-- it says here. President Bush????
TR: Uh--- he's the president of a college. A little Bible college down in Texas.
GK: That's right.
SS: But in this picture--- he's standing outside the White House--
TR: President Gore invited him to drop by for a chat. They're friends now.
SS: I don't know if I can believe you or not---
TR: Sing, Lefty-- sing.
GK (SINGS, STRUMS):
Oh the budget is balanced, there's national health care
We drive smaller cars and we've cleaned up the air
So laugh and be happy but I have to warn ya
Arnold is governor of California.
Whoopitiyiyo, git along little citizens
SS: Wait a minute! You mean---- Arnold Schwarzenegger? Governor?
TR: It's a long story.
SS: Wasn't there some kind of professional wrestler a governor? Somewhere?
GK: I don 't remember that.
SS: A bald guy who was wearing a pink feather boa?
GK: You must've read that in a novel or something--
SS: Who's this in the newspaper? This woman with the glasses and the ponytail? Who's she?
GK (STRUMS, SINGS):
The country's just fine, blue skies and smooth sailin'
The stock market's up and the banks are not failin'
But the seas might get rough so hang on to the railin'
And if you need a pail, here's a sack with a pail in
Whoopitiyiyo git along little citizens
(YODEL)
(THEME)
TR: THE LIVES OF THE COWBOYS......brought to you by La Casa Grande Brand Placemats for the Trail. Don't set your grub down in the dirt. Use one of these handsome place mats from La Casa Grande. Your choice of six patterns: Old Faithful, Noted Authors, Tropical Fish, Igneous Rocks, Speakers of the House of Representatives, or Miss Gwendolyn Savage of Las Vegas, Nevada.
(WHINNY) (MUSIC OUT)