Garrison Keillor: Summer is here, and if your children are ready to make memories that last a lifetime, why not send them to Evelyn Lundberg's Camp Adventure--the ELCA. She'll get your child doing things they never knew they could do, and she can, because she's a licensed counselor. She's here to help.
Sue Scott (EVELYN): You just think you can't waterski, but you can! You can and you will. (DISTANT CHILD WHIMPERING). You're gonna stand up on those skis and you're gonna fly around the lake like one a those little skimmer bugs and you're gonna like it. So shut up and put on your water wings.
(MOTORBOAT GUNS)
GK: Evelyn Lundberg's Camp Adventure will pack your children with all the self-confidence they'll need for the next 45 years. And that means you'll save a lot of money later on in therapy.
SS (EVELYN): Yeah, it's dark out here. You know why? It's night. That's what happens at night. The sun goes away and if we're lucky, it comes back in the morning. (KIDS WHIMPERING) So just shut your eyes and go to sleep. And no you can't use the phone. The phone is for staff. I catch you using the phone and you'll spend a night alone in a tent up on the hill, where there may or may not be bears. Then you'll know what real homesickness is.
GK: She keeps moving, and she'll keep your kids moving too, while teaching them important life lessons that will last far beyond the summer.
SS (EVELYN): Put your face in the water. (KIDS WHIMPERING) Do it! Face down and open your eyes! (UNDERWATER SCREAM) Yeah, those are crayfish down there. They're not going to hurt you. They don't care about you. Just get over yourselves.
GK: Confidence. Stick-to-it-iveness. Leadership. Evelyn's got all of that, and she's willing to share. It's her life mission.
SS (EVELYN): I've got good news. We're having hot dogs for breakfast. (KIDS CHEER) But don't gorge yourselves on those hot dogs, because we've got the rope course at 8 o'clock and the mile swim at 9:30 and if you eat too many hot dogs you'll get a sideache and throw up in your mouth and drown (KIDS WHIMPER). And whose fault will that be, huh? That's right. Yours. I can't watch every single one of you every second of the day. You're big kids now, so act like it.
GK: That's Evelyn Lundberg's Camp Adventure-the ELCA. Where the memories last a lifetime.
(THEME OUT)