Garrison Keillor: Chicago is the great seaport on the Central Coast. (SURF, SEAGULLS) Got your left coast, your right coast, and there's the inner coast, the coast of Lake Michigan, 307 miles long and 118 miles wide, so you can't see across it, so it might as well be an ocean. (FOGHORN) On the other side of that ocean, you won't find France or Japan, you'll find Michigan. But you can use your imagination. And when the ice caps melt (DEEP CRACKING) and sea levels rise (PANIC), and the floodwaters rise on the coast (SIRENS), and sharks are swimming down Sunset Boulevard (SHARK, SCREAMING), and humpback whales are scratching their backs on the Chrysler Building (WHALE PLEASURE, RUBBING) this will not affect people in Chicago. They'll be fine, because Lake Michigan is a lake. (SEAGULLS). It's 600 feet above sea level. It's a sort of elevated ocean. This could be important someday.
Fred Newman (SINGS): In Chicago life is sweet
And the elevation's six hundred feet.
(COOL SAX)
GK: You've got jazz in Chicago. You've got baseball (SWING BAT, HOME RUN, CROWD ROAR), you've got basketball (SQUEAK OF SHOES ON WAXED FLOOR, DRIBBLING, SHOT, SWISH), you've got the Bears (BEAR GRUNTS), you've got one of the biggest airports in the country (JET LANDING), you've got Lincoln Park which has tennis (TENNIS), Frisbee (FRISBEE), badminton (SFX), plus lions (SFX), lambs (LAMBS), peacocks (PEACOCKS), elephants (ELEPHANTS), turkey buzzards (SFX), giant lizards (SFX), giraffes (A SILENT BEAT), buffalo (SFX), caribou (SFX) -- and you've got the Shedd Aquarium where you have dolphins (DOLPHINS) -- a species of intelligent creatures who, when the ice caps melt, will become voting citizens of Seattle (SFX) and give that city a new mission, a new porpoise (DOLPHIN CHUCKLE) -- all of America's coastline will be changed -- Washington D.C. tours of the Capitol will be conducted by submarine (PA: THROUGH THE PORTHOLES YOU CAN NOW SEE THE DOME OF THE CAPITOL. THIS WAS WHERE CONGRESS DEBATED THE ISSUE OF GREENHOUSE GASES FOR ALMOST A HUNDRED YEARS AS THE WATERS ROSE) -- (SONAR) and the sonar will detect the White House down below, fish swimming through the East Room -- but in Chicago, on high ground, the Elevated will still be running (TRAIN SLOW, SQUEAKY) and it'll be rush hour on the Dan Ryan Expressway..... (TRAFFIC HONKS) and now let's check the traffic on the Hollywood Freeway -- (WHALES, DOLPHINS) a few refugees living on the islands that used to be the Sierra Nevada mountains -- (CRAZED OLDTIMER) but otherwise everyone's moved to Chicago-- the inland seaport on the interior coast -- the largest city in America, a hundred and twenty million people -- (TRAFFIC JAM, HORNS)-sooner or later the outer suburbs are going to extend all the way to Duluth (TRAFFIC)--so if you want that prime inner coastline property, better think about moving now.
FN (SINGS): We're conveniently located in the middle of the nation
And we have elevation. (COOL SAX)
Chicago. A destination city.
Between the deep blue sea and the devil
Six hundred feet above sea level.