(WESTERN THEME)
Sue Scott: The Lives of the Cowboys... Brought to you by Cactus Jack's Dried Floral Flakes. Just add water to make fresh blooms and corsages to brighten up your campsite. And now: The Lives of the Cowboys.
(HORSES, CATTLE)
Garrison Keillor: Thank goodness spring has finally arrived, Dusty. The whole world seems lighter somehow. Look how the cattle are swishing their tails. They're happy.
Tim Russell: They wouldn't be if they knew what was comin'.
GK: I try not to think about that.
TR: One more reason not to get emotionally involved.
GK: Well, at least they're happy for now. I was thinking maybe we should do some spring cleanup, Dusty. Clean up the tin cans and take em into recycling.
TR: Recycling? Cowboys don't recycle. Leave the garbage and move to a new place. That's the cowboy way. -- Hey, wait a goldarned minute. It's that schoolmarm, isn't it. The one who's heading up the clean-up drive. You got a crush on the schoolmarm.
GK: Just trying to do my duty as a citizen of earth and not throw stuff in the gulch.
TR: You've got a crush on the schoolmarm. I can tell, you're blushing.
GK: That there's a sunburn, Dusty. I don't blush.
TR: Ah, horse-apples. You're flushing. You've gone pink as a dogwood.
GK: The schoolmarm is practically engaged to the Methodist minister, Dusty.
TR: And so that's why you're sitting up late at night singing songs of unrequited love?
GK: They're just songs, pardner.
TR: Ha!! So "practically engaged," huh? What does "practically engaged" mean?
GK: Well, he's a minister, so it takes him time to come to conclusions, especially if they're obvious.
TR: So? Why don't you put in your bid, Lefty?
GK: I think the bidding's closed, Dusty.
TR: I don't remember seeing a ring, Lefty. (HORSE RIDES UP) But here's your chance to get a look.
SS: Hi there!!! Good morning!!! (SHE PULLS UP HORSE, WHOA, WHOA. DISMOUNTS AND WALKS OVER) Beautiful spring day, isn't it. Good morning, Dusty.
TR: Good morning, ma'am.
GK: What brings you out this far from town, Miss Daisy?
SS: I came to ask a favor, Lefty.
GK: Okay.
SS: Is that coffee I smell?
GK: Yeah but it's the coffee Dusty made, so it's a little on the raw side.
TR: You see that dying cactus over there with the rattlesnake climbing up it and gasping for breath? That's where I tossed the coffee grounds.
SS: That's ok, I like it strong.
TR: (SOTTO VOCE) She likes it strong, Lefty. Did you hear that?
GK: Shush, Dusty. So what's the favor, Miss Daisy?
SS: Well, I was hoping you could come and visit my class Monday morning, Lefty. Recite some cowboy poetry.
GK: Well, I don't know. We were planning to pull out on Sunday, Miss Daisy.
SS: It sure would mean a lot to me. I'd be ever so grateful.
TR (SOTTO VOCE): She'd be ever so grateful, Lefty. Door's wide open.
GK: I donno. Cowboy poetry is kind of rough-- it's not Shakespeare, that's for sure.
SS: Maybe not, but I know the kids would love to see a real poet in the flesh.
TR: (SOTTO VOCE) In the flesh, partner. Now's the time to make your move. -- Here's your coffee, Miss Daisy.
SS: Thanks.
GK: And besides my poetry is pretty much all sad and depressing about lost love and things of that nature. Kids don't want to hear all of that stuff.
SS (BIG VOCAL REACTION TO COFFEE...PANTING BUILD TO BIG WHOOPS AND THEN SOPRANO ARIA)
GK: I told you you made the coffee too strong, Dusty. You're liable to kill somebody. You all right, ma'am?
SS: I'm fine. (SHE VOCALIZES SOME MORE)
TR: Coffee's supposed to have an effect on you. I'd say.
GK: Why don't you go down to the creek and get her some water-- (DUSTY HEADS OFF) Here, Miss Daisy-- just put your head against my shoulder. Try to breathe.
SS: That is what I call strong coffee. I feel like my skin just shrank a size.
GK: Your skin looks beautiful. Peaches and cream. Don't know how you do it, living out here on the plains, dust blowing at you like buckshot.
SS: I stay indoors a lot. I read, mostly.
GK: I love books, myself. I could do that all day.
SS: You're the most sensitive cowboy I ever met. -- Not that I've known a lot of them, you understand...you just seem different. How'd you become a cowboy?
GK: Believe it or not, it was due to a book. I read Zane Grey's Riders of the Purple Sage as a boy.
SS: A book got you into it?
GK: Yep. I set out to be a hero and here I am, a lonely guy sitting in the dirt, drinking bad coffee.
SS: Maybe you should head to town for a spell, Lefty. Get to know people. Spend time in the library.
GK: You spend a lot of time at the library?
SS: I've been trying to get the Rev. Epworth to read poetry.
GK: And how's that going?
SS: I got him to read Wordsworth.
GK: Wordsworth is okay but I prefer Keats, myself.
SS: You do??? I love Keats. I adore him.
GK: La Belle Dame Sans Merci. Old favorite of mine.
SS: That is my favorite poem of all time.
GK: Well, I reckon I could stick around until Monday if you want.
SS: Of course I want. The kids'll love it. You have any new poems you want to recite?
GK: Got a song I could sing. Wrote it last night.
SS: Really!! You wrote a song last night!! That's wonderful.
GK: Well, I don't know how wonderful it is. (STRUMS OFF-KEY CHORD) It's just one more lonesome cowboy song.
(STRUMS)
Oh it's time to hit the trail, O Lord,
Now that April turned to May
I'm an older lonely male, Lord
All my chances blew away
I met this gal walking down the street
Carrying a copy of Keats
And Shelley and Wordsworth
And Mr. Williams Shakespeare
Lawd, I sure would love it
If she called me her Ro-o-o-o-me-o
She's a beauty for sure
I wish she were my teacher
I am in love with her
I'd love to sit and read Whitman and Twain
But I'm only a cowboy on the barren plains
And I smell bad, I got the cowboy blues
I would love to sit and look at the books
By Shakespeare and John Keats
But I must drive this herd of cattle
Cause people want red meat
I wish I could tell her of my love
But I can't find the words
And so I guess it's time to shove
Off with the rest of the herd...I got a feeling called the bloooooooze--
(FOOTSTEPS)
TR: Here's a glass of water fresh from the creek, Miss Daisy.
Got it upstream from the cattle, that's why it took so long.
Oh, I'm sorry-- did I interrupt a song?
GK: That's okay. Makes no difference anyway.
SS: It's a lovely song, Lefty. Is there more?
GK: I don't know if there is or not. I sort of suspect there isn't but I'm not sure.
SS: Well, I'm sure the children would love to hear whatever you'd care to sing.
(HORSES HOOVES APPROACH)
TR: Who's the fellow in black?
SS: Why, it's the Reverend Epworth. What's he doing out here?
GK: The Methodist minister? He looks older than I thought he would.
TR: It's a hard life, the life of rectitude.
(HORSE PULLS UP, WHOA WHOA)
Tom Keith: Daisy?
SS: Morning, Reverend. Beautiful spring morning, isn't it.
TK: I've been looking all over for you. And the Lord led me here.
TR: And He was right again. Here she is. Care for some coffee?
TK: Okay. Don't mind if I do.
SS: Reverend--
GK: How long you two know each other anyway?
TK: I donno. Couple of years.
SS: Two and a half years. Two years and eight months, to be exact. We met in Adult Bible Study. You were trying to look up a verse and you couldn't find the book of Obadiah and I showed you. I reached over and opened your Bible to Obadiah.
TR: Huh. Boy if you opened my Bible to Obadiah I'd about die a happy man.
GK: Hush, Dusty--
TK: I didn't know it'd been that long. Two and a half years, huh?
SS: That's right.
TK: Well--
GK: You found her, mister. You were looking for her and now you found her. She's right here. So say what you came to say.
TK: What's that?
TR: Look at her. She's waiting for you to say it.
GK: So say it.
TK: Well--
SS: It's okay-- he's shy--
GK: It's not okay. Shyness is no excuse.
TR: Here's a cup of coffee.
GK: Maybe that'll help.
TK: Smells sort of strong.
TR: I hope it's strong enough.
SS: Reverend-- maybe you better (TK SERIES OF GASPS LEADING TO WHOOPS -- A BIG WHOOP)
TK (SINGS, A LA SINATRA):
Fly me to the moon
Let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On a-Jupiter and Mars
In other words, hold my hand
In other words, baby, kiss me.
SS: Oh, my-- Reverend Epworth! What are you doing? What is that? A ring???? For me????
(FADES INTO BRIDGE)
(TIME PASSAGE)
TR: You ready to head out, pardner?
GK: Yep.
TR: Don't want to wait around until Monday and go in and recite poems for the kids?
GK: Nope.
TR: You look like maybe your heart is sort of broken, huh?
GK: Not broken, just bent. Folded up, you might say.
TR: Want to talk about it?
GK: Nope. (CHORD)
(HE SINGS)
I wish I could tell her of my love
But I can't find the words
And so I guess it's time to shove
Off with the rest of the herd...
SS: The Lives of the Cowboys. Brought to you by Roaming the Range Wireless phone. Everywhere there's grass and sky and not much else, there's Roaming the Range Wireless. Because there's no cord on earth that's that long.