Garrison Keillor: You're on the road, driving your small child to swim lessons (SMALL CHILD HAPPINESS) and listening to public radio (CELLO SOLO), you in your small fuel-efficient car with the STOP THE WAR bumper sticker and your coffee in the coffee holder, free trade coffee harvested by workers paid a decent wage -- and suddenly a powerful S.U.V. looms up in your rear-view mirror (MONSTER MACHINE), it's lights on high beam (SCORCHING), driven by a skinny tanned woman who's on her cellphone (RAPID FEMALE TALK) and she's right on your bumper and then she honks (AIR HORN) -- her car is the size of a Mack Truck (MONSTER MACHINE), in fact it is an S.U.V. body on a Mack Truck frame -- her bumper sticker says: I EAT WHALES FOR BREAKFAST -- your tiny car trembles, your small child too (SMALL CHILD FEAR) -- If your life is like that, maybe you're looking for Columbus, Georgia. A place someone once called "a hotbed of social rest" -- where the mockingbird sings (SFX) and people can mosey if they want to (WHISTLING, PASSING) and nobody's going to loom up in your rear-view mirror. If you're driving too hard and still falling behind, think about Columbus.
GK & Robin and Linda (SING):
Way down in Columbus, Georgia.
Where the Chattahoochee flows
Flowers bloom in every backyard
It is heaven, goodness knows.
Gonna head back to Columbus
For a little peace of mind
In my heart I want a cottage
Covered with a honeysuckle vine.