Tim Russell: These are the good years for Barb and me. Barb saw an ad for an acting class on Tuesday nights and so she went and pretty soon she was going Thursdays and Saturdays too. And it changed her. She started going around the house in black sweatpants with her hair tied back and she was panting and moaning and then she'd crawl up in a little ball and cry and then she'd start singing to herself. It made me a little nervous. More than a little. So, to relax, I went to a masseuse whose name was Terry but Terry turned out to be a 300-pound weightlifter and he worked on my shoulders like he was chopping pork into sausage and when he was done I could hardly reach back to pull the wallet out of my jeans. I could hardly drive home. And when I got home, there was Barb, rolling around on the floor and doing that panting stuff. (PANTING, HIGH PITCHED) Barb -- what in the world are you doing?
Sue Scott: I'm reliving the trauma of birth, Jim. I'm going back to the womb and coming out.
TR: Why would you do that, Barb? Why go through it twice?
SS: Jim -- I don't tell you how to do your work, so don't tell me.
TR: I'm only asking, Barb.
SS: It's a primal exercise, Jim. I need to get in touch with my pain. Pain is the fuel of artistic consciousness.
TR: We're in our fifties, Barb. Why get in touch with pain now? We did that when we had kids.
SS: And I'm dyeing my hair pink, Jim.
TR: Are you ok?
SS: Acting class is showing me who I am, Jim. Today we were in a circle screaming at the person to our right and I realized that I missed out on rebellion in high school. And college. And then we got married and we had kids, and I kept it all inside, and then today I let it out and -- wow -- it just keeps coming.
TR: Okay, but I just came from a massage therapist who made me temporarily into a paraplegic.
SS: Maybe you should try acting, Jim.
TR: I have a hard enough time just being myself. Why take on other people?
SS: I want to have my eyebrow pierced.
TR: It's dangerous, putting metal things in your face, Barb.
You can catch hepatitis.
SS: And I'm definitely dyeing my hair pink.
TR: Okay, but cashiers aren't going to cash your checks anymore. Carloads of guys are going to pull over and yell things to you.
SS: If you don't get to rebel in your fifties, Jim, then when do you get to?
TR: Barb, I wonder if you've been getting enough ketchup. Ketchup contains natural mellowing agents that help you realize that it's good enough just being yourself. Just sit back and enjoy the ride. You don't need to color your hair so it looks like cotton candy.
SS: Good point. Get me down the old ketchup bottle, Jim.
TR: I can't lift my arm over my shoulder, Barb. You get it.
Rich Dworsky (SINGS):
These are the good years
Things are almost ready
Spring is coming towards us
Moving slow and steady
Life is flowing
Like ketchup on spaghetti.
Garrison Keillor: Ketchup, for the good times.
RD: Ketchup, ketchup.