Garrison Keillor: ...brought to you by Thompson Tooth Tinsel, for brighter, more festive teeth. Maybe you've tried whitening strips, baking soda toothpaste, and various gels that promise to brighten teeth, but you go to apply for a job and--

Tim Russell (BOSS): Your resume looks great, but your teeth just aren't right for us.

GK: Time for Thompson Tooth Tinsel. Other whiteners just whiten, Thompson Tooth Tinsel not only whitens, it gives your teeth a high-frequency hum that tells people: here's someone exciting to know. Just listen to him smile. (FN HUM)