We gather together
For Christmas is coming;
We're baking and making
Our cookies and pies.
There is a strange humming
That comes from the plumbing.
May the toilet not back up,
May the sewers not rise.
Remember December
Is when the world freezes
It hates radiators
So the car will not start.
But when a man eats a
Hot sausage pizza
With a glass of Chianti
It warms up the heart
We gather together
To talk about neighbors
Their idiosyncrasies
We shall discuss.
The stories we're hearing
About child-rearing--
The shouting, the screaming,
Thank God it's not us!
We gather together
To talk about politics
And what an idiot
Is you-know-who.
What were voters thinking?
They must've been drinking
To vote for a man with
A minus I.Q.
But of course it's Thanksgiving
And so we are grateful,
Lord, for your mercies
Both present and past.
But Lord could you slow down
Life's little hoedown
And don't make the holidays
Come round so fast.
We're grateful for listeners
We hope you are listening
In car or in truck
Or in mansion or shack
And if you are missing
I hope it's cause you're kissing
Someone you love
Who is kissing you back.