Tim Russell (ANNC): And now Aragon Soap brings you... Look On The Bright Side -- as we rejoin Michelle Noble and her husband Earl, they are in a mineshaft four-thousand feet beneath the streets of St. Paul....working with pick and shovel in their onyx mine, the Lucky Shaft.



Garrison Keillor: Long day. (SHOVEL GRAVEL)

Sue Scott: Yeah.

GK: Been down here so long I forget what day it is.

SS: Don't think about it.

GK: My guess is that it's Tuesday.

SS: I don't think about time.

GK: I know that. But I do. So I've made these little chalk marks on the side of the mineshaft to keep track of the weeks. See these?

SS: I thought those were bat droppings.

GK: No, each of those marks represents one week, Michelle.

SS: So? What are you trying to say?

GK: We've been down here for three years, Michelle. Three years.

SS: And when we find the onyx deposits, you're going to thank me, Earl, that I had the backbone to stick it out when you would've quit.

GK: How you doing, Larry?


GK: You're brother's gone berserk.

SS: So what else is new?

GK: Michelle-- listen to me. We've been mining for onyx for three years and we haven't found a single lump. I think those men who told us about onyx didn't know what they were talking about.

SS: Later. I have to drill. (BIG JACKHAMMER)

GK: We used to have a life, Michelle. We had people over for dinner, we read books, we went to the opera, we were free. And now, we're hostages. We're hostages to ourselves, Michelle.

SS: Move over there, you're in my way. (BIG JACKHAMMER)

GK: Four-thousand feet above us: a world of pleasure. Restaurants, theaters, people are going to shows. They're sitting and chuckling at things. While we're down here in this hole. (LARRY GIBBERISH)

SS: When we find this onyx, Earl, we'll go to shows every night and I'll hire a therapist to bring Larry back to sanity.

GK: I don't think you're listening to me, Michelle. What I'm (JACKHAMMER)--

SS: You want to quit, Earl, go ahead. Walk out. Leave me to struggle on alone. There's onyx down here. If every geologist in America told me there was no onyx down here, I would still believe there was onyx here. Tons of it, right under our feet.

GK: I admire your dedication, Michelle, but -- you're crazy--

SS: Every day I wake up and I say to myself, "Michelle," I say, "God would not tell you to dig for onyx if there were not onyx there." That's what keeps me going.

GK: Oh boy.


GK: Maybe we could switch to agates. We could make agate cufflinks and tie clasps. Agate paperweights. There's money there.

SS: Onyx is what I'm here for.

GK: Those guys who told us about onyx. I wonder if they weren't talking about phonics. Or the Berlin Philharmonic. Or gin and tonic.

SS: Don't distract me, I'm lighting the fuse. (FUSE STARTS TO BURN) I wasn't going to show you this until later, Earl, but I know there's onyx here because I found a big piece of it this morning.

GK: You did?

SS: I was going to save this for later, but I'll show you now.

GK: What is it?

SS: Onyx.

GK: Michelle-- this is a piece of bathroom tile.

SS: Fire in the hole!!!!

GK: It's black like onyx but it's ceramic tile.

SS: I say it's onyx.

GK: See on the back it has an adhesive strip. Onyx does not come with an adhesive strip.

SS: I can't see. It's dark.

GK: See there? Adhesive.


SS: So we've spent three years digging a hole for nothing?

GK: It wasn't for nothing. It drew us closer together. We learned to communicate.

SS: Three years looking for something that isn't here--

GK: We can turn it into condos.


SS: And my own greed and insensitivity has turned my brother into a raving lunatic.

GK: Don't blame yourself.

SS: I've ruined everything.

GK: No. Whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

SS: I am so ashamed.

GK: Well, at least it's warm down here. We didn't have to shovel snow. We didn't have to see the Twins lose to Oakland in the playoffs. And -- think of how wonderful St. Paul is going to look once we get back to the surface.

SS: Three years. I've missed it.

GK: The river. The First National Bank building.....
SS: We can sit in our car and watch planes land at the airport.

GK: We can go to Candyland for popcorn.

SS: We can go to the Science Museum and see how clouds make rain.

GK: I can't wait.

SS: We'll have to wear dark glasses so the sunlight won't blind us.

GK: Not a problem. It's October.


TR (ANNC): Look On The Bright Side...was brought to you by Xanax Salad Sprinkles-- lighten your mood these dreary fall days with Xanax Salad Sprinkles.